Oh! a spear of light
Greatest light bulb of skies
A great,
Green canopy,
wages war on your right to the ground
Watchers relish your battles and are drained
clouds disrupt your fire,
flailing and flinging down life, but
Waves of heat displeasure
are finally silenced
and darkness
rules the night
Frost creeps along the ground
Up the house, it spiders around the glass
Author notes
I hate how when I go to wright imagery, I can't wright it.... Fail. I give up.
Consider this poem scrapped.
A contest entry
- 5 senses by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended January 18, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Wat?
Comments
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"wadges war on your right to the ground"
First, I believe it is "wages", second the last part of that line is very awkward. I would simply leave it at 'right'.
Personally I don't care for the off-center lines, I don't think there is a need for it here.
I read your author notes and smiled a bit. I have the trouble with either putting way too much or not enough. You need to find the right balance, thats all
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