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He Clothed Me in White

I have honestly questioned you
to the point of exhaustion
i have stumbled and mumbled
made excuses on Sunday
and covered my ears tightly
when you called my name

I have run til my lungs burst
flung your name to the heavens
with malice held in my heart
i cannot be this perfect piece
that i think you think i should
and i hate to compare me and you
because the mirror very harshly
tells me the truth

and i have come straight to you
when the licentiousness kills
with the blood stained hands
with my pride choking in despair
and i am but a graceless husk
of pure raw humanity
cowering before you righteousness

i still cannot understand
the way you say you love me
and the forgiveness
of the way you washed my hands clean
or the resuscitation of my soul
the ideas i had so misconceived
about what it was that you expected
and the truth of what you see in me

but i accept and i rise each day
and there is air to be breathed
i have a  life to be lived
shining words that soothe my soul

i am a little less broken
all because you love me

i have a chance to be whole

 

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • jinglingjoy
    September 15

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    inspired

    this poem spoke to my heart. it radiates a bond, and earnest voice of the soul seeking the light of love everlasting. thank you for writing and sharing it. it was a blessing to me and it seems to be - also to others.

    keep writing

    jingle/april

  • jadeangyal
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful lines! You have given us an honest picture of your journey. These lines are particularly well-crafted and humble:
    and i am but a graceless husk
    of pure raw humanity
    cowering before you righteousness


  • Heroesrox
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    Very good write. keep it up and best wishes to you.


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    March 2

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    Amen. Such a superb write. Emotions hang on every line, hoping; but scared to leap. Greatly done.


  • Alive4aLiving
    January 15

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    This poem reminds me of a friend of mine.... I just wish that she could find the peace that you have in the last stanza...

    nice write


  • HorrorFiend
    January 14
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    You brilliantly captured the way many people feel on the subject. Wonderful work.


  • RainbowEyes
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    I have been like this, and i still sort of am. This poem has amde me think about the way i have treated God, and I am ashamed.


  • WordWraith
    January 14

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    As a person who is struggling with being a Christian, this is a perfect reflection of my thoughts and emotions right now. I find it so hard sometimes to struggle through what people deem as stereotypical christianity or what people teach with regards to it. Thanks for saying what I have a hard time saying.


  • PastelMoons gold member
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful,and real.
    I have felt all of this and more.
    I have pondered his love till all of
    my thoughts feel like
    a short fuse burning down
    to some kind of implosion!!!
    And I don't think
    I'll ever understand his love.
    Great write and obviously
    a great conversation piece.
    Love this!

    ~Pastel


  • rinzurajan
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    wow...thats a really beautiful confession from a sinner...

    we all are sinners...and when we all realize our sins we return to him...even then he accepts us with open arms...

  • Bruce silver member
    January 13
    Edit | Reply
    Agree, this is filled with holy passion!


  • Deathless1
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    on a average day i would take one glance at this poem, realize it was about god and not read farther.
    i would just have guessed that it was another god loves me poem.
    but this pulled me in so strongly that i couldn't get out until the very end.
    the use of some great lines.
    "there is air to be breathed"
    "flung your name to the heavens"

    i loved it all.
    one thing that made it so different is that you start with saying how you question god, i have never read a christian poem do that before.

    i might just be ignorant, but i love the honesty.


    • ApollosMuse
      January 13

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      that is one thing about honest christianity...you do question...it took me a long time to come to god and be okay with it because i had spent so long being angry that someone could tell me of this god who is so mercifu when i had spent so much of my life being broken and kicked around...it just didn't mesh...but i met god myself and he explained a few things...and me and him are cool!!LOL


      • Deathless1
        January 13
        Edit | Reply
        even if you talking to god makes you crazy i'm glad you heard the voice.
        i was raised to not believe organized religion. so i have many problems
        from keeping me from regaining my belief in god.
        that and my mind wont lest me stop questioning, and the questioning turns into doubt, so on and so on.
        but i am glad to have met you and to hear that there are such things as honest christians. even though you talked to god. lol

        how did it happen?
        i have never heard a first person story like this.


        • ApollosMuse
          January 13
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          it is not as if god sat down next to me and said hey jaime...i'm god..and yada yada yada...god has a way of manifesting himself in our lives through people and their actions and events...and it just takes your breath away when you feel him that first time and know he is there and has been there the whole time...i was able to look back on really bad times in my life where i had felt so alone and helpless and to be able to see just where his hand been on me through those things and it wa abosolutely amazing...god is so amazing...organized religion turns so many people off of god but if you jsut crack a bible and read the new testament and the works of jesus you see how he was and how he dealt with the masses and it was so unconventional and real and it just leaves you in awe!!sorry so long...you got me started!!LOL!!


          • Deathless1
            January 13
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            i got you going and i might keep you going. lol sorry
            i have read the old testament, and i do think that jesus was an amazing person, and that even if you don't believe in god, you should try to be like jesus. but i have also read into buddhism, judaism, so on and so on.
            to me they all make since and have good meanings in there message.
            i take a little from every one. and that is how i live.
            i can't help but feel it isn't fair to any god if i only pick one.


            • ApollosMuse
              January 13
              Edit | Reply
              i have also studied a little on all the other religions...but one difference between jesus and all the other spiritual leaders is that jesus is the only one to make the claim as the sole source of life...i think that you just have to petition god to come to you and to reveal the truths to you and he will!!promise!!


              • Deathless1
                January 13
                Edit | Reply
                i have petitioned more then hippies.
                but once again maybe there is something els i am missing.
                i don't know, but i hope he does, i love nothing more then being made to feel small.

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