Veins were injected with color
in the distance there were
porcelain plates of pleadings
hidden among initials.
Breaking thoughts like fragments
of speech.
Knowing this soft walking light
of the worlds footsteps was the
all too friendly sound of rainwater
running through trees, quiet and
transparent like never getting
dressed.
Whispered secrets that only tire swings
and old fashioned roads would tell.
But it doesn't seem to be that
way, the world is a walking
contradiction of a silencer that
has backfired, picture a sword without
a handle.
Ironic like a person that has drowned,
only to be able to breathe like a fish.
Author notes
Prompt: I chose Hear.
Ummm this was very random.
I'm sorry.
A contest entry
- 5 senses by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended January 18, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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It is very random.
I think you have some excellent lines but for me, as a whole the piece feels discombobulated.
Still, thanks for the entry -
I think randomness is a way to write sometimes
and I So like the title!
the world is a walking
contradiction of a silencer that
has backfired
I love that part, the imagery are audible in a subtle manner...just enough to imagine and enjoy the sounds
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Loved it! I kinda thought it flowed like the line "breaking thoughts like fragments of speech." which made perfect sense that the rest would be random. Your words are like a breath of fresh air. I'd have to quote them all. kudos
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Thank you! Glad to hear from you, its been awhile.
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There are so many great lines and images here:
"Knowing this soft walking light
of the worlds footsteps was the
all too friendly sound of rainwater
running through trees, quiet and
transparent like never getting
dressed."
Such a unique description of a sound we have all heard and now we can appreciate it in a new way... and:
"Whispered secrets that only tire swings
and old fashioned roads would tell."
Such inventive images to portray memories of long ago... I just loved it.
I think you have enough here for several poems, if you wanted to take parts and expand on them (um, I suppose that would mean making them less random???) I enjoyed reading this very much!
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Aw thank you,
love you auntie
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can I get a hit of what your smoking?
This though very poetic...is definitely random! I like some of the references a lot and this could be a great poem with a little reworking, but as it is.....I need another drink and to read it again! LOL Great stuff, The Shaker
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I'm NOT smoking anything
haha glad you liked.
Tell me how that drink goes
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