he once claimed I felt like a rose petal—
a feather flitting through the air
and I would just laugh,
tell him how silly he was
but now it is me who is in denial:
I wish I could touch
his unshaven face;
feel his smile under my palm,
the slightest brush of his lips
against my forehead
just the slightest reassurance
that we would be alright
because all I have now is a picture frame
the glass is cold, his skin it’s prisoner
~I have nothing to touch but memories...
Author notes
Prompt: Touch.
A contest entry
- 5 senses by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended January 18, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I really like this and thought its great
I like how you worded everthing and it was just a very intimate feeling, I see you were after and greatly accomplished. Ive read your other poems and they are short and to the point and very good and this one a little longer and with a little more feeling. and I think if this progresses , my goodness the marvelous poems you will write. Thanks and my pleasure to have read such a touching poem. Keep up the great work. This may be a older piece of work but I had not seen it and pretty glad I did.
-
'feel his smile under my palm' - I really liked this line. So descriptive and intimate.
-
WOW!
I can feel the pain in this one, it practically drips off the words. The feelings of loss and dismay are greatly done.
I can connect with this work, having felt this way myself.
I loved this:
"just the slightest reassurance
that we would be alright
because all I have now is a picture frame
the glass is cold, his skin it’s prisoner"
Excellent, deep writing.
-
Dear Lady Editor: Written from your heart. I like it a lot. Love, Janjan xoxo
-
I didn't care for the use of 'slightest' so close together in this piece.
I think in your last couplet, I would remove the word "because" and in all honesty, I would leave off the last line completely -
for me it was too cliche
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
