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The Story

You were our friend
even if you were demanding
and tried to swallow us in your power.

 

You were asking for to much.

Your little hands couldn't carry

that much, slow down

 

We knew you before

you went and got,

what you desevered

 

Payback! was all you wanted.

Revenge, we wouldn't

let you have.

 

Now you are gone

Now that is where you stay

Stay away you are needed somewhere now

 

But isn't that what you wanted?

To be important?

to bad you went looking, for what you already had.

Author notes

Its about a friend and how she went and became popular and when they kicked her out we didn't let her into our group becuase she was being a jerk and all that.

A contest entry

Does it show you what her friends where thinking?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Arrianna MacEwan
    January 16, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I can feel your dissapointment and anger through your words. My husband has a story that fits the situation. Only he befriended the individual again when the others ignored, and now that person is one of his most trusted friends. Sometimes you have to give someone a second chance. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.

    A. MacEwan


  • Bruce silver member
    January 13, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Elfstone - This is a nice poem and is filled with emotion. I think you make your point by the end of the third stanza. The first three stanzas are strongly written. Maybe that's enough - you decide. You have to prune the rose bush to get big blossoms.