A crimson eye stood out against a morbid hide,
The stranger kept indoors well knowing death was nigh;
The darkest dreads encroached on him from every side,
Long had he known that he was only born to die.
The winds of winter wailed their threnodies in wait,
The stranger kept indoors well knowing death was nigh;
His tears were wet and warm as there he mourned his fate,
The eye of death above grew redder with each sigh.
With every breath he took, he cursed the ebbing tide,
Though well he knew each puff was eating him away;
The darkest dreads encroached on him from every side,
Across the fiery eye, a blacker lid held sway.
No crimson witness spied the final tortured breath,
The stranger left within the twinkling of an eye;
He never got the chance to catch the face of Death,
Long had he known that he was only born to die.
Author notes
A quatrain that ended up stranded between a quatern and a retourne
A quatern would have the following structure
line 1
line 2
line 3
line 4
line 5
line 6 (line 1)
line 7
line 8
line 9
line 10
line 11 (line 1)
line 12
line 13
line 14
line 15
line 16 (line 1)
And a retourne would be like this
line 1
line 2
line 3
line 4
line 5(line 2)
line 6
line 7
line 8
line 9(line 3)
line 10
line 11
line 12
line 13(line 4)
line 14
line 15
line 16
oh, and this was also supposed to have the double meaning of a man dying during an eclipse and a candle burning out 
'break my heart"
Azgar
A contest entry
- DARKEST POEMS EVER by gigglesalot.
550 points, ended January 24, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewritten contest for all by serenity silvermoon.
490 points, ended January 30, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forms/Dirty Pretty by the evil angel.
400 points, ended May 10, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Work by Violent Glass.
650 points, ended June 21, 65 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Like it? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
This is awesome! The rhyme was flawless and the meter was very well done. I love the darker side of it too. Wonderful job!
-
Very good quatrain in it's composition, and what story it tells! The use of your repeting .line adds strength to your poem, building on the suspense in the final stanza. Hooray for you HM!
-
I like it
your structure is really interesting. I know it didn't turn out quite as you wanted, but you want to talk potential. I sense it.
-
Fascinating forms... I'm not a fan of repetition, so I'm not going to pursue them. BUT you really did this very well the imagery is beautiful. Thank you for entering it in my contest because it is clear that you are one of the few that can make repetition seem interesting. I do a little repetition, but doing one of these would probably make my head spin. It has nothing to do with this poem though. That's just how my brain works.
-
A certain phrase your missing in your AN... for the rules... Will comment on the actual poem later.
-
I like the rhyme and flow in this, thanks for sharing
-
This is NOT ...
a villanelle. Automatic DQ.
Enter a villanelle if you have one. -
Beautifully executed, with effortlessly flowing rhyme. Powerful images, heart-tugging.
KW~
-
impressive, highly skilled style, Edgar allen poe would be jealous.
-
this is an interesting piece. i like the style of the poem. well done!
-
loved this piece the meaning was so strong and its words just flowed off the page
thank you so much for entering
-
I like how you repeat some of the lines in different stanzas it makes the poem really interesting I love the rhyme this is a well penned peace
~GOOD LUCK~
*Dark Poet* -
Simply Marvelous!
-
This is beautifully penned! You have taken the dark genre and embraced it with wonderful meter and dark imagery. It's not easy to achieve a fluid meter with long lines but you did it very well composing a meaningful poem. Bravo!
Love,
Amera♥
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
