Pretends to be Alive
in the bay
The plane did crash
And I remembered my
Isolation age
Where the pills gave me
green pain
And tethered children Shopping
with their beautiful parents
Who step on tiles
And ring it up at the
Cash register.
Visceral motions Kick
In as the pills come
Making a monster
Out of Elizabeth
Out of the closet that Dad
Sanded down
And made into a traditional
Dowry box - gold latches
My children are seated
In their mother's pouch
With eyes glued to their
Nonno's red hands
Talented man you are
Muscles and all Carving
wood so close to the bone
These cigarrette bones here.
I truly am alive here.
Well worn in the cupboard
Out of the dowry box!
Out damned blood on hands!
The morning after
My children call me
"We aren't lonely daddy"
One will marry a banker
The other will inherit the
Cargo boat
The trajectory of the classics
Bounty of the solitario.
Author notes
Elizabeth is Elizabeth Lavenza from 'Frankenstein'
'Cargo boat' from Plath's 'Tulips'
Comments
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Stellar piece of work all around. I love the enigmatic quality of the verse, a sense of almost schizoid self-reflection; a touch of Browning's "Caliban Upon Setebos" perhaps. Some fantastic lines; "cigarette bones", "green pain", "muscles and all carvings." The one section I would look at is the "I truly am alive here" quatrain; it's a touch self-consciously angular, and draws attention to the missing words ("out damned blood on hands") in a way that your otherwise terse phrasing does not.
As I said though, it's very fine work. -
Ooh! Gosh, that ending sent shivers down my spine. Goodness. It reminded me a lot of the book "100 Years of Solitude" (if you haven't read it you would like it) and I love endings that make you remember the poem. The only critic I have is that its a little hard to follow because everything is very choppy. I don't know if that's on purpose or what but it's something you might want to change. But great job overall!
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