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I am tired of this train

 

 

 

Empty metal cages tumbling
           through florescent coffin empires.
        Today; I'll walk outside again.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Well I'm going to London today for the first time... So the tube sounds awesome... But frankly I can see why people sound sick of it....

A contest entry

Brrrrrrr.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • piapressure
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    Rad.~


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply

    Thank You for Your Entry ~

    I love the imagery of coffins in this I personally love the trains in Australia and happily travel on them and don't know why poeple don't like them either


    Best of Luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • heaven all alone
    January 23
    Edit | Reply
    This was a really refreshing read. Very much a sense of renewal. I loved it.


  • Ryno
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    There is a lot more behind this then just your awesome imagery. Can speak to the reader on an own personal level, and be interpreted many ways. Love the meaning in this one.

  • Topnotchsy
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    I love the picture, and you did a great job packing a whole lot into 13 words. Best of luck in the contest.


  • adsaige
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    It's a clean cut poem that just speaks volumes.
    It is the last line that completely makes the poem, I think.
    It is the crescendo, and the last word is the retarding.

    "Empty metal cages tumbling" could be the
    guided cage of society? It's loud voices that
    uses diffraction to be heard.

    "through florescent coffin empires"
    restating the see through death of
    society and their views.

    "Today; I think I'll walk again."
    Very, very well written.
    The climax of epiphanies.


    • Ditt0
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      Well why thank you... retarding? well I hope not That would be a waste adsaige


  • My Last Breath.x
    January 13
    Edit | Reply
    Simple, yet elegant.
    I like it =)

1 - 9 of 9