A strange shadow is falling
Casting away the light of my day
A girl in the distance
One of my past I believe it is,
This girl I've touched this girl I've kissed.
It's not in any serious of a manner
but this girl is more than any ever,
I loved this girl it was so pure and true
But I was young I never would've known
That in my dreams you'd forever show,
I dream of you now ten years later
Wishing once more to feel that way
Not knowing it was and, never fighting.
You were my first love and I was but nine
Your face your beauty I know not with time,
I moved away never said goodbye
I remember that day and I get upset
To know what I had and I never forget.
The shadow lifts and my eyes open again
My heart races as my dream disappears
I want to know what could've happened
what could've gone wrong,
I'll never know
But I know
You were my first love all along.
Author notes
When I was still in elementary school I was in love with my neighbor, a cute girl but being so young of course I knew nothing about her really, we spent all our time together and if I wasn't with her I was wishing I was. I moved away 2 years after we met, I always wonder where she is now but I will never know, I remember her first name but her last is gone forever and so is she. I had a dream about her the other day and when I woke up my heart was beating fast and it reminded me of how she always made me feel. This poem does it no justice at all, but I miss real love... It's so difficult to find even though I'm trying so hard to find it.
I dunno I just hope you like it.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Beautiful Write!
I can totally relate to this "My heart races as my dream disappears
I want to know what could've happened
what could've gone wrong". I often find myself thinking, "What the hell just happened?" This is a great take on the one that got away before we had a chance to really experience what could have been. Nice Work!
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o young love it is always to perfect in our memories, you have captures your innocence and compassion today so well!
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wow, this is a very good write, heartfelt and passionate, its even better knowing its a true story, i like the ending, and the author notes filled the void. great work.
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Well, I 've seen shows where twins separated at birth get reunited by some miraculous force. Maybe God' will put her spirit, the one you remember into a different girl and thrust her into your life when you least expect it. Just expect it! That's the key. Expect it and it shall happen. Great poem man! Good luck in your aweshome quest(ing).
-red
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It's a sad, but beautiful poem. The first love is always the one we seem to remember for a lifetime.
A lovely read. Thank you for sharing -
Good luck first of all with finding love. Second this is a raw emotion filled poem. First loves are the hardest to remember and forget. Keep on writing!
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some has never known love like this before. Pure love...
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I'm sorry that you lost this girl. I believe one way or another you'll find her in the future; so don't lose hope completely. Anyways, this poem shows how as chidlren you played, but sadly never realised how much you loved her until it was too late. I liked this poem a lot.
Evinde
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Aw! it's got depth despite your pulling it from the past. i love it!
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I love it....Good Job! I hope she comes back to you
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Wow, this piece is deep and gorgeous. I hope you were serious about constructive criticism though, because although this piece is beautiful and obviously heartfelt there were just a few things that I thought I might bring up. Your rhythm is mostly fine but I believe that the it is on the end of the 4th line kind of breaks it a little. And I'm not quite sure what you meant in this line...
but this girl is more than any ever
I thought maybe it was supposed to be any other. Anyway this is all personal opinion. Kudos on a great piece that was ended with a beautiful stanza.
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awww how cute messange me back?
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This is sweetly authentic and I do like the way you express your views openly and with such honesty. Nice use of metaphor and imagery. Thanks for sharing.
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Honstely, I love it! I like the way it flows and the emotion in it is amazing. I think this is a wonderful, strong poem. [:
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The emotions and feelings of longing come through your words quite clearly. This is a strong piece. Maybe you could check records from your old elementary school or past residents of her old address and find her name and then find her! Stranger things have happened!
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Wow.. I thought I was the only one with this problem!
I had the same thing happen to me, except I moved away after 1 year, and I was 10ish.
Great poem, and even though it may not have expressed it the way you want, you can tell that the meaning is there.
Ali. -
It's good, though it sounds young, and it took me a while to find the flow of it. It may also sound a little too forced.
You have some really good structures in here though, and I think if you came back to it in a while, it could be great!
I have a similar story to yours, but with a boy. I asked my mother about his family's last name, and loe and behold, I found him on Facebook.
However, he turned out to be stupider than I remember and much less good-looking.
Such is reality.
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adorably heartbreaking...wow....beautiful.
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I really like this. It has a kind of heartbreaking innocence. Brilliant in many ways. Thanks for sharing...
Ariel
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