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Disease



Growing inside 
   every aspect
painstaking pleasure.

         I,

a pyramid of devotion
to your greedy tongue;

 your arctic absence, slashed -

constricting innocence,
      with a promise.


[ your love is acid
       through my flesh,

                     deteriorating what is left ]

Author notes

35words

prompt:http://designersjunior.deviantart.com/art/Unconditional-Love-71325249

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • crimsondew
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    harsh words lashed out really beautifully in the dark sense ofcourse!

    All the best in the contest dear!


  • Cup-a-Joe
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    Ok now tell me where did this come from?
    ~your arctic absence, slashed~ -I'm envious of your skill with words.
    I agree this should be gold.
    Joe


    • luna-midnight gold member
      January 13
      Edit | Reply
      inside me? lol....thinking about a love...*sigh*
      and oohh, haha, yes i loved that...i was thinking of a cold heart, but for if it was as cold as whom i wrote it for...his heart was never there, hence adsence
      so o..haha

      and well thanks, but itwasn't..lol..sigh


  • echo-ink
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME BY NESSESITY!!!


  • hks
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    gold*

    :]


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    lovely choice of words. the dark imagery you penned is wonderful. thanks for sharing. good luck in the contest! =)


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    "
    I,

    a pyramid of devotion
    to your greedy tongue;"


    What an awesome line
    How can you say this is rubbish... its not!
    I loved it


    Good luck sweets ^^

    Claire x


  • In Too Deep1
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    A very chilling and intense take on the prompt. Beautiful imagery, emotion and color. A most enjoyable read, and best wishes in the comp


  • liduen silver member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    The form is interesting...it adds depth to the poem. Not that it doesn't have enough depth by itself - it most certainly does.

    Freakishly amazing ending. And word choice. And title. And...well...everything.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • Carpe Noctem
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I have to repeat what you said to me-I loved the ending! The whole thing was awesome...but the ending was what really stood out! Great job.


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    God I loved that ending. You'll have to remind me to stop entering contests against you! I have no chance lol. Hope you do well though.

    Take care


  • Ziola
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    very heart felt, loved, your arctic absence, this is very visual. nicely written, great job

1 - 14 of 14