How many more hours
For this mosquito drowning oblivious
In the sweetness of my blood?
How many more springs and autumns,
From smiles to tears and then to exploding ecstasy,
For me the joy of being?
How many more trillions of millenniums—
Orion—
Dissipating into the vacuum of nothingness!
*****
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like this.
The first stanza reflects my irritation with the drone of the single mosquito in the dark night, and then you set it into larger and larger perspectives. We seem to be in the centre of time and space, midway between microscopic and telescopic.
The form of questions, and the gentle pace of them, leads my thoughts. I enjoyed thinking on this poem.
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Thank you, Margaret. It is about seeig ourselves in perspective. One overlapping the other in the eternal flow.
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Concentric Being
I like the editing you did from the original post particularly changing the title (Time). The piece flows better and speaks more in metaphor. The image (as a composite of the three well painted images) still points me to the timeless being of the small to the infiinte... time within time within time...all within the eternal Now.
How long? Now!
Rahad
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Thank you. The challenge solely is in whether we can communicate what we truly see. I am still not sure after three-four revisions.
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I like the way this builds. It's a nice effect and you didn't overdo it.
You don't need the 'the' before Orion. The ellipsis after the question mark also seems unnecessary.
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Yes, I overdid it a bit. Thanks for the hints. Please take a look at it once again.
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You're right. It's much cleaner now and even better.
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Thank you.
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