Despair comes walking
And I start gawking
His eyes are red
But my heart is dead
My head starts screaming
But he starts singing
My heart he takes
And my body shakes
But he is blind
To my curious mind
Questions I ask
Yet he wears a mask
But I see his face
That takes my hearts place
The wind starts to shift
And his love starts to drift
Quiet he stays
Upon hours and days
The love is so dim
And I can’t talk to him
And as Despair falls
My heart starts to bawl
Till I can’t cry no more
And I’m curled on the floor
He turned his back on me
And now I finally see
This feeling wasn’t fake
But my heart he wouldn’t take
He broke the fragile thing
Like a worthless cheap machine
Now I’m emo more then ever
Wondering when we’ll be together
~Kay~
A contest entry
- Emo Kids Of America by Emo Piggy Bank.
400 points, ended March 4, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes Galore/no gold yet by piccola.
400 points, ended January 19, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First EVER!! contest. enter please :D by Xxnightmare21xx.
650 points, ended January 20, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sad love Story by tearfilledsunshine.
800 points, ended January 28, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emo/ Death/ Abuse by Violent Glass.
550 points, ended February 13, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i like the rhyming in this. thanks for entering
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there was a lot of rhyming and i don't mind it, but to a degree you know. but it really is a good poem. thanks for entering my contest.
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Lots of rhyme here. The rhyme itself is good but there is too much of it ... so much so that for me personally, it takes away from the write making it sound silly and forced as though you are rhyming just for rhyming sake ... "his eyes are red but my heart is dead" ... the two things don't seem to have anything to do with each other. Anyway that's how I feel. Please don't be offended.
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i don't feel offended by it and i told my friend people would really understand that line but she told me they would. the line is based purely on my attraction i have for Despair and what i love about him. I'm a more dark kind of person and i find odd colored eyes attractive and so when I'm saying "his eyes are red" I'm just stating that he has a unique eyes color i don't see very often and he does they are green. however when I'm saying "but my heart is dead" I'm saying that normally when my heartbeat quickens whenever i see someone that has these kinds of eyes, my heart's pace was normal and didn't falter at all which i found weird...anyway i didn't mean to go on i just wanted to point it out.
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