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Continued



you are the diminishing
echo
i can feel reverberate
against the corners
of my skull
like cancer
in reverse

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • evidently
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    I agree that having 'echo' on its own doesn't quite work, at least for me. I mean, it's stark and that's good in some ways, but on the whole I think it's a bit heavy. Other than that, though, I really like it, specially the image of cancer in reverse and the general physicality of the whole thing.

    er...and I totally commented on this when you first posted it. Not the best part of a year later. >>


  • Beauty Of Silence
    May 15
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!

    this is so short and its so complete. i love the metaphors used here, they fit so well!


  • bonjourbunnie
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I like the general message that this piece carries, however - the one word line of echo seems out of place, and distracts from the movement of the piece.

    Other than that, it's a unique perspective on a common idea, which is always nice to see.


  • stepbystep
    March 1

    Edit | Reply

    great

    you are an amazing poet.
    hmm...to answer your suggestion,
    i personally love this poem, but if you want constructive criticism,
    maybe think of a diff. line than against the corners?
    hmm..like maybe, round the edges..or something that you dont hear that often.
    overall,
    amazing.
    =)


  • bella loves edward
    February 27
    Edit | Reply

    dang

    its interesting
    *smiles*


  • Qjones22
    February 25

    Edit | Reply

    ITS FINE!!!

    This poem has a lot of substance, it is short and sweet and right to the point. I dont think that you should. Other than misspelling a word I think that poetry shouldnt be revised


  • Travel Notes
    February 4
    Edit | Reply
    Spartan wording style, but you make it work well to emphasize the images more. The idea of cancer in reverse is interesting and leaves me wondering still after the poem is finished. If you could use puctuation and capitalize your "i", I'd like this even better.


    • Death of the Author
      February 5
      Edit | Reply
      agreed with punctuation, I'm just too lazy to atm. I leave "i" as it is in free verse for some reason, lol


  • addicted-flaw
    January 22
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. Short but full of images. The ending was great!


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    very well penned
    a strong ending


  • Fug-azi
    January 13
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting ... I like, but not quite sure why

  • Rowan gold member
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    What a powerful ending... wow. Excellent.

  • ElectricBloom
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    yay! finally!
    i'm so glad you added more ^.^
    it's beautiful, slightly morbid and twisted. i don't know. it gives me this totally satifying feeling. i like it.

    excellent.

    ElectricBloom


  • sasjsyyns
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    Omg...
    It's just beautiful..


  • redbird
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    oooooooo, puppy!


  • Never Fall in Love
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    I feel happy

1 - 19 of 19