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Zzz - A ZaniLa Rhyme

A marvellous day to be alive,
I jump from my bed with joy;
A dip and a dive, jing-i-ling jive,
I shout to the folks outside, 'Ahoy!'


The clock in the distance strikes a five,
The race and racers are set;
Jing-i-ling jive, a dip and a dive,
'But I'm not through with my waking yet'

I prep and warm up my four-wing drive,
We boys are off and away;
A dip and a dive, jing-i-ling jive,
'This is the way to start a new day!'

With lightning speed we quickly arrive,
At the grand old gardens green;
Jing-i-ling jive, a dip and a dive,
'The prettiest blooms I've ever seen.'


The news of the feast brings all the hive,
We all love a tasty treat.
A dip and a dive, jing-i-ling jive,
'Tummyfuls of nectar can't be beat'


Such days as this my spirits revive,
Not one more drop can I drink;
Jing-i-ling jive, a dip and a dive,
'It's time to make some honey, I think'



Author notes

Azgar

dont know why

ZaniLa Rhyme
The ZaniLa Rhyme, a form created by Laura Lamarca, consists 4 lines per stanza.
The rhyme scheme for this form is abcb and a syllable count of 9/7/9/9 per stanza.
Line 3 contains internal rhyme and is repeated in each odd numbered stanza.
Even stanzas contain the same line but swapped. The ZaniLa Rhyme has a minimum of 3 stanzas and no maximum poem length.

Age 4-7

A contest entry

Like it? Please comment!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Heva Feva
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    That made me smile, and I must say that doesn't happen alot, great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
    -heva


  • RachelChibi
    May 11
    Edit | Reply

    :)

    I love the refrain it just brings the extra happiness to the poem! Very happy write good job!


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    great work
    thanks for your participations











    Likeness, Age comparison, words,Beauty, Ideas, Thoughts,Title, level of poetry
    these all contains 100 marks, and i will mark out of hundred to let you win
    and yo have scored 67.5


    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words

  • the evil angel
    February 8
    Edit | Reply
    Very intriguing. I really like this poem. It is so adorable and makes me feel like going back a few years and being a little kid again. It's the kind of poem you read on the days when you feel like life is passing you by. As for the form itself, I'm deciding not to pursue it. I don't do well with syllable counts or repetition and I would feel really limited. Even though you clearly don't. It's clear you can work this form like a pro. But I wouldn't be able to. So that's a no for this form. BUT I really like this poem and would like to thank you for entering it in my contest.

  • the evil angel
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    There's a certain phrase your missing from your AN... for the rules... Will comment on the actual poem later.


  • doolie gold member
    January 23
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice write. I really enjoyed reading it. Congrats on the bronze trophy


  • Paloszoo gold member
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. What a blast to read. BRAVO! Thanks for entering my contest. I'm honored to have you show your work here!


  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 22

    Edit | Reply
    Paloszoo has asked me to co-judge with an eye to form so this comment is centred on form, my opinion of the rest won't count in the judging

    This is a form I have never managed to make sound properly poetic, but yours appears tio be perfectly constructed to Laura's formula and work as a poem.

    The poem is excellent too, but that's not my job to judge

    Jeff


  • HereComesTheSun
    January 19
    Edit | Reply
    has a up beat tone to it that i enjoyed
    thanks for entering


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure why you were worried, you executed the form very well and there's a natural rhythm to your words. The Zanila allows for a melodic flow by the way the 3rd line of each stanza is constructed and yours here, is spot on. I enjoyed the read, so thanks for notifying me of this. Good luck in the contest.


    Laura


  • Amera gold member
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my! Laura's form is a very hard one to write and you made it so much fun to read. I read it several times out loud just because it is so much fun! Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera♥

1 - 12 of 12