outside the skylight
lie infinite starlike dreams
that vanish by day
Author notes
Ok, thanks to Shya's good idea, I've changed the last sentence now.
Many thanks to her!
A contest entry
- Contemporary Haiku by Harrisham Minhas.
525 points, ended January 21, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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wow, this is really good. i can't write Haiku but i like reading it. amazing job.
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Thank you very much!
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Thanks for your entry:
"outside the skylight
lie infinite starlike dreams
sighing at twilight"
Nicely done.
Thanks again.
Harrisham Minhas
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Hi, I've change the last line into "that vanish by day".
As a result, the whole poem should be like this:
"outside the skylight
lie infinite starlike dreams
that vanish by day".
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Ok. I checked that.
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Thank you very much!
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Hmmm . . . I see what you mean. The first two lines are well set up, but there is not really an Aha! moment here. I can think of some possibilities: "unfulfilled wishes", for example, but only you know what's right!
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You're right...
I’m still unable to come up with a good line...
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