I so want to sing in French
because I need my tongue on fields
with the nose connected for such aroma
not just a sigh of sinuses' conception,
net frankness past conceit or vacation
and don't you know if you ride the hills
you're going to get the bump of music!
from speaker phone
to hand held
like a seat belt for harder conversation,
can see over idiosyncrasies even though there was a crisis
ha you're daddy I can laugh with you
or projection
simplicity spectrum
beyond cotton no zipper peasant or plant limp consistently
down the hallway with chandeliers
as breasts of light to get you to bedroom safely
similarily I like rulyI used to cosleep
a little short for two luminaries circuit
but not as miscarriage where homemade
is love from delivery not only of grandpa
anymore but stories to include last names
or none of bottle experts while mild nature's full range
marriage to mamma to children by womb again
not forgotten as mother
way generational continued pick up readies reason to land,
but variety isn't just that or us
towards grandness off consternation strewn
Author notes
let go by guilt
doesn't mean I get attached to should
how can it be poignant with only one of them
A contest entry
- Comfort Zone by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended January 23, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please leave off good luck, unnatural emoticons, applause symbols...hypes
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I liked your images and the overall tone. I am not sure I understand it completely, but I did enjoy it. Thank you for entering.
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thanks, Danna Hobart for residual value
I do feel a little tied up lately, maybe it got to the tongue but not all communication was crampedit seems; just around needed gestures or gist eh...
as exited as I was to participate, I think both of us would've been more pleased with something more specific that came up tonight ~
called Carolyn
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Hi!
I loved the first stanza. It begins in abstract, and then falls to the floor in lovely broken images. Ambiguity is used effectively over all.
However, as it is written, seems the puzzle pieces should connect more. Just a thought. I would try and economize and see if that won't improve this lofty and whimsical psychological verse!
items:
A space oopsie: * wink * similarulyI]
In the first line, the first [to] used is not necessary.
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Cookie Zeal I appreciate avante garde/intact graininess check
thanks for the pleasurable attitude a comment is to be met!
glad it piqued you to speak.
I did try not to be too broken but sadness doesn't directly get to audience. not in grandiose way but experience, sort of as a food nature breaks down and then you don't have to haha.
and scattered foreign feeling is as letting fruit wrinkle so we aren't needing to as much even now, so I don't want it whipped up to surface okay that ends up tedious. I find this type of digestion also needs a squirt on the brow lol. to which I'm too jittery to just get to piecing the piece, since I can still feel the subtle process well currently.
however, I right away edited actual slipped turns of words... which I initially read over as my daughter does I guess subjectively. found objectively they had a bit of interest yet I can't use every expansion comes to mind hehe...
your review was lovely as looking at you, except I find odd yellow faces popping in as tics that can be avoided or I asked ~
called Carolyn -
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Oops. I guess I did not take that as a request verbatum re: the emoticons. Thanks for telling us. I will remove.
Nice response. Very interesting, thank you.!
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CookieZeal thanks for simpler recipe per se seeing my needs
I'm glad for the roses that were first received highlighted on a dark screen with repeat note coming in white block as to day/night or written/there with you consisting of consistency...
I've changed similarily, not to nag, neither passively alongside applause symbol but can't be calmer by its imaged meaning for connotations lol ~
called Carolyn
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