lost and breaking

Swirling inside life,
my mind is a mist,
watching the world twirl,
around each corner another twist.

Meds and alcohol now,
are what keep me going,
When im drunk i feel less,
than when sober and knowing.

I've lost myself,
yet i feel strong,
until its dissolves again,
it's been so long.

Everything has changed,
I can't comprehend,
so i keep busy,
hoping it will end.

Trying to be normal,
not to worry my friends,
so hard not to break,
hoping i will mend.

But can i be fixed,
without a complete break,
i have a few strings left,
kept there for friend's sakes.

What comes next,
how do i find myself again,
time is ever wasting,
i want to remain saine.

Insanity is a friendly voice,
i have heard bold all my life,
but now its started to take over,
Like a fresh stab of a knife.

People say keep going,
act as you used to,
live you life in auto pilot,
but gone is all i knew.

I cannot think like normal,
i cannot sleep at all,
i cannot talk to people,
I can only avoid a fall.

So im struggling,
slipping on the edge,
trying to keep my balance,
in my strange and vivid head.

So hope is all i can do,
and maybe it will come back,
hopefully before i break,
caus i really can't do that.