my soul dangles
carefully
on spun sugar suspension bridges
crackling;
clipped wings still trying to fly
cold crystallised sweetness
close enough to tempt
far enough to torture
as you glance little ice daggers
of indifference.
do you love me? no;
you couldn't possibly.
Author notes
By AllThatRemains
I kinda mimicked my sister broken-colours's style in this one. It's nowhere near as good as when she does it, but ah well.
A contest entry
- Of Love and Longing... by SithHappens.
1750 points, ended January 28, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHORT PREWRITES! QUICKIE! by ItaloEtkin.
870 points, ended April 8, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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"close enough to tempt
far enough to torture.'
Those lines are nicely written.
Love them!
Overall a solid write!
Good luck in those contests!
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All -
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Thank you!!
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Like I said before, if this is you using my style - or what used to be my style, anyway - then you do it far better than I can.
You are the poetically-gifted sister, not me.
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Oh, shush. -thwacks-
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Smiles
Why? Because you are a budding poet. And I just love to see such young talent rise . Great young poet. Write on.
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Thank you. -gives jelly baby-
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this is very beautiful and full of great meaning
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Aww, thankies.
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a good poem, made me think of a spiderweb and the spider not caring if love lived or died, maybe that spun sugar imagery moved me to webs
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Ooh. I hadn't thought of that. Thank you!!
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i love love love this.
(: -
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Awws, yay. I live to please, you know. -hugs-
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This is beautiful! I love the style, and the ending is especially poignant!
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Thank you so much!
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I have to say that this has a feeling of a demented Willie Wonka.....I like that!!! Means you went outside the box and delivered brilliance!! Mad talent for one so young!!
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Rofl! Demented Willy Wonka... I like that.
Thank you muchly! -gives jelly babies-
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this was good
a well written poem -
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Thank you.
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You're welcome
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very beautiful
Thank you for your entry
~Sithy -
Beautifully written with a very well choice of words good job and keep up the good work sweetheart.
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