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Wake Up

Sheets of almost-spring-rain
Rap on my bedroom window.
Leaving watery trails
On the glass panes.

I hate the rain
And how it mirrors these
Almost-tears that run
Their cruel race from
My eyes to my chin.

I'm not beautiful when
I cry, and I don't think
Death looks like sleep
Sleeping people will


Wake up.

Author notes

I think I made it a little more cohesive, constructive critiscism is welcome.

A contest entry

Is it cohesive?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • mysticstorm gold member
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    Please check the rule on word limit...

    thank you!

    mystic


  • Venugopal gold member
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    what ever, this is nice poem with good imagery

  • Topnotchsy
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with what you say in the Author Notes, it did feel like there were two distinct ideas here, both of which probably warrant their own poem as the imagery was really good.

  • ElectricBloom
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    i like this,
    you hold beautiful imagery thoughout and you have some interesting ideas. i love the beginning lines, they really pulled me into the rest of the poem. you've poured so much emotion into so few words.

    i really do love this, i truly enjoyed reading it. so thank you! and best of luck in the contest you have entered.

    ElectricBloom

1 - 5 of 5