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Untitled

i.

i think sometimes that my muse is a dirty whiteboard
with curlicue words silhouetted in Technicolor
almost visible
and surrounded by time-smudged thumbprints
so unique as to be indistinguishable.

i know for sure that blue eyes are my favourites;
they remind me of things that were and what could be again
and that healing is possible in shades of gold.
i find it interesting that it's the only thing they have in common.


ii.

i find myself hoping that i'll see you soon.
i cut out multicoloured rectangles with small purple scissors
ignoring the fuschia marks on too-long fingers.
the pain will fade soon; as it is, i am content.
maybe my fingers will be purple too.

for the first time in my life i'm looking forward to this
and the sun can't move quickly enough, but for now
a few minutes of half-attention will have to do.


iii.

vivid red pen slid along porcelain skin without thought.
i drew on my hand and showed it to you.
do you know that your flawlessly florescent melody echoes even now?

fading scarlet ink lines cold hands
and i can't help but wonder if you played that song for a reason.

Author notes

By AllThatRemains
FAT CAT BLUES (option 6— favourite prewrite)

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • clockface
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    I love this.
    The different colors, your word usage --

    You really are a poet; I hope you realize this.


  • sideways hourglass
    March 21
    Edit | Reply

    88

    The imagery in the first two vignettes was sensational.

    originality: 9/10
    creativity: 9/10
    cohesion: 9/10
    organization: 10/10
    mechanics: 10/10
    balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
    emotion/personality/edge: 9/10
    Impact/Reaction: 8/10
    title: 0/5
    diction: 4/5
    syntax: 5/5
    overall opinion: 5/5

    Total possible: 100
    Actual total: 88




  • blood.stained.tears
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, I loved this poem!!! thanks for entering the contest! and good luck!


  • jcat gold member
    February 25

    Edit | Reply
    Just beautiful!! Love the abstract perfection you have penned!! Gives so much food for thought to the reader. Thank you for your entry


  • Heroesrox
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    I will be back to comment on this later. Just feel like death right now.....


  • Heroesrox
    February 23
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks so much for entering!


  • jayyniecakes.
    February 13
    Edit | Reply
    awww... i've felt like that before...

    ;[

    FinAlist!!!!!


    • AllThatRemains
      February 13
      Edit | Reply
      So have I.
      Thank you!! -gives Jelly Baby of Gratitude-


      • jayyniecakes.
        February 13
        Edit | Reply
        x] whats a jelly baby of gratitude?

        sounds yumm!

        • AllThatRemains
          February 13
          Edit | Reply
          It is. It's like every other jelly baby (the only vaguely-equivalent thing I can think of to it [badly constructed sentence, sorry] is a gummy bear, but it is SO VERY MUCH BETTER), except it indicates thanks.


          • jayyniecakes.
            February 13
            Edit | Reply
            i reallly love this poem... send me a message so that I can add you to my favorites.

            :]

  • Nicole Hanna
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    I don't get the significance of the color references in part ii of this piece. I mean, I get you have fuschia marks on your fingers, but why is that important? Or why is it important that your fingers become purple too? Perhaps I'm missing something. Thanks for entering, but not exactly what I'm looking for at this time

1 - 20 of 20