Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

cloudburst - a wish

orphan hurt is residue hold.

confusion
called by river
while home is cloud
Stasis,
freeze of rejected belonging

wanting re-cognition,
truth
pours transparency

cloud bursts

tears fall

loved, lit by willing sun
caressed by rainbow womb

in living colour

now falling freely,
cascading

wakening life
in stagnant river
singing splashes of joy
rising her from her sleep
whispering spray to wanton moon

undertow is dying mother
in slurp and belly light
letting go
understanding no, in ebb
releasing yes, in flow

compassionating

while riverbank
orchestrates emotions
willing ears
opening arms release
to  ocean

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • liveddog gold member
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    Dear Isabella,
    I have only just seen your explanation of 'cloudburst - a wish." Please excuse my latenes in responding - six days later! My sincere apologies about that.

    So many thanks for your explanation. As I read your line by line explanation it all made wonderful sense to me. Your poetry is so profound and deep!!

    I particularly want to thank you for not judging me in my lack of understanding. Knowing your meaning makes your poem even more beautiful - thank you for teaching me.

    I do wish for you that you know at least one person in your life who loves you in your truth,
    best wishes to you also,
    Liveddog.


  • isabellacohen
    May 4
    Edit | Reply

    i appreciate your honesty

    i will show my meaning line by line.

    orphan hurt is residue hold.

    (this represents my rejected/heightened hurt(

    confusion
    called by river
    while home is cloud
    Stasis,
    freeze of rejected belonging

    (river represents life's call/flow and stasis is
    not wanting to lose the recognised pain.
    and here i move.)

    wanting re-cognition,
    truth
    pours transparency

    (wanting a true recongintion, transparency follows)

    cloud bursts

    tears fall

    (hurt is released)

    loved, lit by willing sun
    caressed by rainbow womb

    in living colour

    now falling freely,
    cascading

    (these lines refer to being loved, in my truth)

    wakening life
    in stagnant river
    singing splashes of joy
    rising her from her sleep
    whispering spray to wanton moon

    (this is about how the moon affects the river of life and how they relate)

    undertow is dying mother
    in slurp and belly light
    letting go
    understanding no, in ebb
    releasing yes, in flow

    (this is the wish part. letting my mother go, that no is ok)

    compassionating



    while riverbank
    orchestrates emotions
    willing ears
    opening arms release
    to ocean

    (again this is part of the wish, how life, if i go with it -whish i don't- can orchastrate toward releasing)


    that's my meaning. I don't know if that makes sense to you.

    thanks for asking.
    best wishes,
    Isabella

  • liveddog gold member
    May 4
    Edit | Reply
    Dear Isabella,
    I have read this poem many times and I have been slow to submit a comment. The reason for that is, honestly and with an open heart, I don't understand it. Would it be o.k. with you to teach me what your intentions and feelings were at the time of you writing it?
    Respectfully,
    Liveddog.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Humm..what a immage you have revealed by the truths of the life ..this makes me very serious and thoughtful as well..very touching work indeed...

1 - 6 of 6