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~~Shadow~~

Missing image
Her tears fall like rain
nourishing nothing
She is so tired from the taste of salt
And in the cold dark days of January
her arms are empty

When the winds sighed his name
She remembers she had a love,
A love that filled her dreams
Thoughts of him come knocking at her heart
She hears "I love you,I love you still"
But she cries in the shadow, the shadow of her broken heart

And while the winds sighed it's last goodbye
He became a silhouette in the corner of her mind
And the smell of dead love

She cries in the shadow
The shadow of her broken heart
While the wind sighed it's last goodbye
He became a silhouette in the corner of her mind

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • DeeDee
    February 26, 2009
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    Vivid Imagery!

    Hauntingly Beautiful. I read this and felt the pain and heartbreak! Very well written!

  • A-muse-in-writer
    January 31, 2009

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    Wow

    This is so heart breaking. The feeling behind that is oh so powerful. A sadly common story - lost love. Beautifully crafted.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    January 18, 2009
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    AWW SAD BUT VERY GOOD WRITING


  • Sagittarius silver member
    January 17, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    I love the way this one flows along .... an entire thought presented in a series of moving lines. Nice work Blushy.

    Sag


  • Maureen silver member
    January 16, 2009

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    VERY NICE, BEAUTIFUL POEM, Sis! Sorry it took me awhile to read it. I haven't been sleeping well or feeling well these days..I haven't been on-line much at all.

    Best of Luck in this contest!

    Love you!
    Maureen


  • Carolina Moon gold member
    January 12, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully done Susan..I think you did great with this...so fitting to the pic. You work is always amazing..
    Take care
    Linda


  • doolie gold member
    January 12, 2009

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    A beautiful and heartfelt write. Sooo sad.

    Good luck in the contest.


  • Ethereal One gold member
    January 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    powerful emotions

    This is such a sad, but beautiful poem. You really tug at the heartstrings, and I can soooo relate to your words.

    I wish you the best of luck in this contest Sis!!

    Love ya,
    Jeannette


  • daviscth
    January 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    You always write the most amazing poems sis and this is one of your best. I really liked the imagery in your words.


  • Desire gold member
    January 11, 2009

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    Wow~

    Aaaaaaaaw this swells the eyes Sis
    Powerful piece penned which tugs at the Heartstrings
    Beautifully woven~
    Last line grabs~ pulls quite hard
    Oy!!! Excellent this is
    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet One
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Mari Goes
    January 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Quite different from your nature poems, you don't write much about sadness, and yet you have done a good job with this one. The last line is very sad, but I like it a lot!
    Nicely done Susan


  • penman gold member
    January 11, 2009
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    Wonderful

    Wow this is different for you. Really is great. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Rclane
    January 11, 2009

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    Very well penned to the driving thought. Really like this line " He became a silhouette in the corner of her mind". Best of luck to you in contest.


  • Melodies
    January 11, 2009

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    OOH! Really a heartbreaker here. Dramatic and very well written, good Poet Sis. I really like that last line because it carries fine imagery. That word "silhouette" is great there.


  • maralisa silver member
    January 11, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    aw wow a delightful take on the promt good luck inthe contestmaralisa


  • Maxboy gold member
    January 11, 2009

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    Wonderful take on the prompt, such a sad story.

    Well Done....Best wishes in the contest


  • Mariana
    January 11, 2009

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    Thank you for your lovely comment. I see we had similar thoughts about the prompt. I can feel the emptiness expressed and I liked the repetition of these lines:
    'While the wind sighed it's last goodbye
    He became a silhouette in the corner of her mind'

    Well done. Good luck in the contest! :)

    Mariana*rose*


  • Ademon
    January 11, 2009
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    nicely done, good luck in this contest.


  • wildflower. gold member
    January 10, 2009

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    A very powerful write. I feel lots of emotion being invoked. Great flow and imagery, and really like what you've done with the prompt! Bravo and good luck!

    ♥ Kathraina

1 - 19 of 19