I took a right off Noroton,
past Benny’s… which’ll be gone come next year,
past neon lights in a mommy town,
where it’s nice to see a little less than perfect once in a while.
I swam through the streetlight’s orange glow,
saw the station alight,
a white knife in the winter air,
electro-luminous angels breaking through the suburban silence.
Most of the suits-and-ties have gone home by now,
and the last weary eyes are embarking from their time capsules.
And as I drove down Heights Road,
certain that I was suspended just above the stars,
I glanced up to the sky,
and was silent.
Author notes
D o u g C a v e r s
A contest entry
- should you be on my favorites? by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended February 3, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THIS SHOULD HAVE WON GOLD!! by lindaburns.
1900 points, ended February 16, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Have Lost My Muse! Please Send Me Your Best! by Nicada.
800 points, ended February 11, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - America's Next Top Poet : Auditions by division.
400 points, ended August 18, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - tell me about the happiest moment of your life by dissonancesquared.
700 points, ended October 17, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
where are the stars in relation to here?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wonderful imagery.
"I swam through the streetlight’s orange glow,
saw the station alight,
a white knife in the winter air,
electro-luminous angels breaking through the suburban silence. "
loved these lines.
fantastic write.
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I liked the concept of this poem; I haven't read anything like it before. It was different and I liked that. I wish there was a bit more imagery though; you have a great start here, it's just time to take the next step. right now, I am going to say no, because i would like to see how you progress. please audition for next season. thank you!
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more imagery?
you're insane.
no disrespect, though.
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Hello, if you could, please space out your username like this in your A/N. Thanks!
u s e r n a m e . -
Good Writing.
You read like an 18 year old in California.
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The descrptions running through this were so heartfelt - a literal insight into someone else's life, someone else's views -
and then that ending was pure magic!
thanks for entering
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beautiful! One of my favorite activities is driving in my car down a familiar road and viewing it differently due to a different time of day or a different time all together. very good!
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You have written this very well and have shared such wonderfully, vivid imagery. It helps bring the reader right into the scene. Nice job, and thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
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I actually truly enjoyed this. Thanks so much for entering.
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Excellent. I am really pleased by poems that have no grammar or spelling errors. You have shown me a little slice of this persons life. A bubble in
time. The driver seems aware of both the common and the eternal portions
the little world in which he/she lives.
Please: if you win a trophy in either of the other contests where this poem is entered, remove your poem from this contest since at that point, it will no longer qualify. Again, excellent.
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I love how vivid the images of the view you choose to highlight are- the contrasting images of light and darkness throughout work really well.
I also love how you've managed to evoke the idea of one specific moment- even though you get the impression that elements of this view don't change, the poem still feels centred around one particular 'viewing' of this road- which i guess serves to add to the immediacy of the poem.
Great write
E~
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beautiful
this is really really good...i love what you call everything
ex) past neon lights in a mommy town and most of the suits-and-ties have gone home by now...
i live in a city like that, i can't stand it haha everything the same...but anyways i really like this please keep writing!
-elizabeth loves ya
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