She is with my children
Do you see?
Mornings are hers
when I keep the sleep
of the dead knowing full
well that I am
Okay, yes, it is
What I thought was perfect
became utter nonsense
The smoke rooms and
wine dance, paraded out
and around the constellations,
and where was I, but roofed
over you and my most
precious creations
I have not gone the way
of my creators -- this life,
I have decided to fight it out
with you.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I've always been a sucker for the Softer Side...
xo
pulling a few of your poems for the burst! issue.
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I take it you work nights...
Line from a movie I appreciated
"I'd rather fight with you than make love
with anyone else..." -
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Worse... I don't work.
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To witness the things I know not.
Precious it is to be one
with a counterpart that
makes you whole, complete--
to behold the life spawned
by thy seed-- to see her that
borne them into the world
nurture them, you,
and the dreams your roots
had long forsaken.
It is good to see one of the children of scorn behold the dawn and know the properties of its light.
Cherish it always, brother.
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I'm trying my hardest.
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Just when I think you've over-hyped yourself, you write something worthwhile, with some guts. Professing hate is easy. It doesn't take soul or effort. It looks like you've actually put something of yourself forth here, and that takes actual courage.
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Right... Thanks, that's what I'm saying. It takes a real man
to stand behind both mortifying personal mistakes and good fortune.
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Your words always make me think, and reread, like scraping the inside of the jar to make sure I've got all the honey,
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In parts, it's grammatically confusing. I like the last stanza though, even though it IS a wee bit cheesy
And you get what I wanted concerning realistic love, which I appreciate. Thanks for entering.
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I never thought of expressing my love for my wife and children as cheesy. But you're the expert.
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Hardly. Just entirely too cynical for my own good.
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You must base all of that cynicism on your CRAZY life.
I can just see you now, prison, drugs, sex, what a poet!
Good god, how do you keep all of that education and wisdom
from making you not sound like a fucking tit? -
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I'm a total fucking tit. I own it.
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I'd love to see those credentials. I mean John Walker actually became a Taliban fighter. That's owning it. I don't think anyone can even vaguely begin to discuss love until they've had more than 1 child. That other shit? That's just called fucking, and I've seen 15 year old illiterates pull that off. I don't think, honestly, you have any idea what the fuck you're talking about, or what owning it is. Unless you mean a Beamer and University credentials, or being hand fed. You certainly own those ridiculous fucking smiley face things like that means something. I come from a different world than that. I own that.
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I've been to prison, I've been on drugs, and I was pregnant at 18. I've lived in my car, or out of a strangers spare bedroom (with my kids in tow, mind you), and I've never owned a car that wasn't at least seven years old, and lived in a single wide trailer for six years before FINALLY moving up in the world.
If either of us is full of themselves, you wear that badge better than me. -
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You've just succesfully described 50% of america
A. Jail? Is hardly prison
B. Everyone was pregnant at 18
C. At least you had a car
D. Okay, the trailer part makes sense
Now we know why your kids were in tow,
and you weren't in a healthy relationship.
Who in their right mind would want to be with you.
You sound like a real prize date.
I know enough to know the difference between cheese, and shit, and when to shut the fuck up. Try it. -
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holy craploy...
hahaha i had to laugh at this! -
You know when to shut up? That's funny.
Although you have a point... because if someone offered me a beamer and university education, I'd take it with a smile. -
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I certainly agree that you need an education, college and or GED whether it's offered to you or sought.
Women always have the option of being 'taken care of' merely because they have a cunt and tits. Men however, don't. So an education or a beamer are just two more metaphors in a slew of jargon that I used to say the same thing.
Because the choice of words you choose to describe your peer's work leaves a lot to be said about you...
Is why I took a stand. When a peer opens up about themselves or loved ones, and you consider 'that' cheesey when there is clearly absolutely nothing cheesey about it, my poem, and or its honesty -- you have to ask yourself whether or not you truly know what in the fuck you're talking about.
I've read SCORES of cheesey poetry on this site, I have yet to post one. I would like you to show me where the cheese is at Nicole. And if you can't? Kindly go fuck your face with your ass. You're lucky I even refered to you as a peer. I do because it's the norm, generally. Personally, I know that I'm a better writer than you, and frankly it bothers me to even have to go through the motions. But "cheesey"? that's a fightin' word.
And yeah, I know when to shut up, and I know when to fucking bring it. Bet on that. -
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Christ on a stick, why enter contests then if you think you're better than everyone else. A hard life does not a good poet make. And what I found cheesy was the whole I'll-fight-life-with-you line at the end. Because, in the contest description, I asked for grit and ugliness... a relationship which still manages to work despite the flaws, and that's not what you provided with your poem.
You know when to bring it? Why do you even feel the need. It's fucking ALL POETRY. Like posting here means your work or my work or anyones work is worth anything. Like opinions expressed here validates or invalidates anyone's writing. It's a damn emo-fest, so lighten up already. -
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I didn't say my work was better than everyone's, just yours.
I'm not in your contest, so it apparently wasn't that crucial to me.
As for the rest of your questions? Are they pointed at you too? Or are you some how immune to all of the projections you just dished out? Perhaps you should ask yourself for the answers. -
Does Jesus come in turkey too? Can we vegan the savage state of mind perhaps? Your cop out is:
W--E--A--K.
h--m--s--o
i---o--i---o
m--t--n--k
s---i---i--y
i---o--n
c--a--e
a--l
l
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Nice.
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