perturbed, sinister whispers
i hear not
wretched wringing thorn scarred wraith
i know not
burnt coal smouldered, sodden orbs' carved fresh flesh
i see not
nothing
i have become
undone
Author notes
http://rache-engel.deviantart.com/art/lets-be-human-no-more-78674855
Option 4
A contest entry
- 13/30/30 Quickie by Sweet Impatience.
1200 points, ended January 14, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wiw, this is very good, i love your usage of waods they are very powerful and the way the poem is laid out adds to this too, i really like this one!!
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The spacing is very effective in this piece. It gives an added accent to the absence of senses...yes, the heavy feel of being undone. Great write. Geo
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Thank you for noticing that, and commenting on it. I am pleased you enjoyed it.
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the imagery throughout this poem is extremely dark and vivid. you did a great job with the prompt.
I will make a suggestion however, this only a suggestion
capitalize your "i's" you have 4 of them..
good luck
kat
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Thank You!
Great advice!
I chose to leave them small in this piece because it was to illustrate the lost quality of the subject.
Thanks again for commenting. I will come and check your work here in a moment. It is so exciting to meet new personalities!
PEACE
Sheli -
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thank you for letting me know..
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A little sad and a little scary. The alliteration is very rich, and I especially liked "wretched, wringing, thorn-scarred wraith"! Well-done!
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THANKS! i was really trying to go for the little scary part even more than the sad, glad you enjoyed it!
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Wow! How sad, yet well-written. Loved it!
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