My love lies dreaming, skin so soft and fair
Responds in sleep to my so gentle touch
When I caress her tousled silky hair
This woman I learned to love so much
Because she gave everything that she had,
Love, with joy and passsion, the tender care
Every man desires, sharing many sad
Moments in life, supporting everywhere.
For all the joy she has given to me
For all of her thoughts, her care, and her fire
For all the fond loving she gives so free
Specially tuned to my every desire
May the peaceful gods who control our fate
Escort her gently through her final gate.
Author notes
A sonnet or not a sonnet?
A contest entry
- Love - just love by Trill - Trickle.
700 points, ended January 24, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Form Rounds Contest - Qualifying Round - Sonnet (prewrite) by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended March 3, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments please
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Thank you for your entry
A lovely poem, love is one of the main areas of exploration and expression for the sonnet.
The form was done okay, syllable count varied between 9, 10, and 11 syllables per line, and all though the rhyme scheme was followed well the syllable count is just as important. Nice flow and good rhyme scheme.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
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Thanks Tammy, for giving me an honest comment and opinion. I tried to get the syllable counts to match as they are supposed to but changes only spoiled the rhythm and flow of the poem. Therefore I decided to put in an Ok poem rather than follow the rules over a cliff.
Bob
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Good! very picturess
Keep up the good work!
Thank you for entering!
~ Trill -
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Hi Trill, Many thanks for your comments but I am not very good at writing about love and romance. However, I will keep trying.
Bob
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A lovely tender write from you. Full of appreciation and a caring love. You got the feelings happening in this one, nice to see. Would love to see more like this from you...alby
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It is hard to put my emotions out like this. Too many times for too many years my emotions have been the unpleasant kind. I appreciate your comments as you are very astute.
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Another good one Bob - it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Happy trails.
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Thanks my friend, I don't write much love stuff as I find it hard to get the right feelings into the words. I think this one came out OK.
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wow very nice i love it great touch with the title i really caught my eye.
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Thank you for a supportive coment. I am still learning and appreciate feedback.
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Beautiful write,, your lady will be proud, I think...
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My lady has not seen it yet. But I'm sure she will like it. Many thanks for your supportive comments
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I like this piece very much with all the warmth you pour into it for your loved one. I am not so sure about a sonnet...not quite sure how that works so I am no one to ask about that. I do like the rhyming and the flow, but just wondering why the two last lines are seperated from the rest of the poem. I noticed that they rhyme , whereas the other lines rhyme every second. Not being an expert at that, I can only say that I enjoyed reading this and could not fault a thing in it. It was beautifully written.
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Thanks for you comments on this one. I was hard work to get close to being right and i am still unsure about it.
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Beautiful work Bob. This is first class.
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Thank you kind sir, it was very hard to write.
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amazing, no less
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Thank you. This is my first attempt at a sonnet of any sort and I found it hard work.
I am grateful for your comment.
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