mommy, i had a bad dream,
in it i couldn't find you, you left,
you didn't answer when i screamed.
it felt like a knife in my chest.
when i found you
i wanted to say i loved you,
but you said you didn't care.
i found you with that man,
He was in daddy's bed, lying there!
mommy what were you doing?
who is that man, mommy?
why's he got that needle?
why's he doing that to you?
mommy, what is "heroine"?
some kid at school said that's substance abuse..
mommy, tell me that's not true!
he said some people were going to take me from you!
mommy where's my daddy?
why'd he have to go?
i asked the doctors, but
mommy, what's an overdose?
mommy, who're these people?
why do they have my things?
what's a social worker?
why are there police?
why are you wearing those bracelets,
attached at the wrists with silver rings?
mommy! don't let them take me away!
why did you hit me like that mommy?
all i did was cry,
because i don't want to leave you,
i wanna stay by your side,
but they're going to take me away, mommy.
they say i'm going far away, to a better home,
a better place.
mommy! please don't let them take me,
i just wanna stay with you.
i know that you love me,
even though you say it's not true.
no matter what mommy, i'll still love you
mommy, why are you going with that man?
that mean looking man with a badge?
they told me you're going to a place called "jail" mommy!
but i don't think you did anything bad!
Mommy! they're taking me away from you,
i'm crying, i don't wanna go, i need you!
but no matter what i say,
even though i asked real nice and polite,
they say they have to take me away.
i still love you mommy,
even though you say
you hate me and i'm not worth it,
and you're glad i'm going away.
i promise mommy, i'll write to you,
you'll get a letter every day.
i'll send you pictures of me every year,
and a piece of cake from my birthday.
i promise mommy.
12 years later.
dear mom,
i wish i could see you,
so i could tell you to your face,
how much i really hate you,
for making me live that hell every day.
and all those years ago,
you said you hated me,
that i was a mistake,
it hurt so much to know that,
but i still loved you then.
now i'm not so young,
so naive, so blind,
i've grown up without you mom,
i'm leaving you behind.
the past was tragic,
all those times when i was young,
you were in and out of prison, and rehab,
old battles ended, and new ones had just begun,
i loved you back then because you were all that i had.
and i trusted you for a while,
when you said that part of your life was done,
but i guess you're full of empty promises,
i should have known,
now you're not a part of my life,
you can come back but your little girl's gone.
heroin was all you wanted,
the welfare checks were for food,
not to sustain your habits
of deadly substance abuse.
so next time you shoot up,
i hope you think of me.
push the needle into your veins,
i hope you hit the muscle and empty all the syringe contains
so it burns and bruises, you deserve the pain.
i lived with it twelve years ago.
all the aching, burning pain.
when you said you didn't care,
when you were never really there.
i really loved you,
i hope you know,
but you're nothing to me now.
i'm that little girl you didn't raise,
the one you beat nearly to death in a drug-induced rage,
the one they took from you when she was three
i'm all grown up, and some day you'll see,
you threw away the best thing in your life.
i loved you once, but
you didn't deserve it then,
and you sure as hell don't now,
and for you to come back into my life,
that's something i can't allow.
you may have been in rehab seven times this year,
but i don't care what you say,
for the first 3 years of my life,
you beat me every day.
as far as i'm concerned, you'll never see me again,
because i know, 12 years later, some things never change.
Author notes
mommy, hope you read this, it's pretty, isn't it? i hope you pay for this.
i know, it's long, but if you read it all, thank you for being patient with me. i've been revising this for some time, and now i think i'm finally happy with it. i think it's one of the best i've written as far as things about my past go.
i'm not asking for your sympathy, i just wanted to get it off my chest that this happened, and i'm over it now.
Lie to me, Say you understand.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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No
I don't understand how you feel. I can't understand how harsh of a life this is. I've lived a life with parents who loved me, and are still here for me and I am 20. I wish I could give it to you. I really do. For every person that I meet, who's parents have been there for them, like mine have been here for me, I feel terrible, because I wonder, what makes me more deserving than all of you? I saw you seem to be a stout believe in Jesus Christ, so obviously, it's not even that. It really makes no sense why these things happen, but I guess that is the world that we live in right?
I'm truly sorry you've lived a life like this, it's really too bad to have to go through this. I've met a few people (mostly girls), who've told me similar, almost the same story, as yours. Each one of them I felt for, each one of them I always wanted to comfort as long as they needed. Each one of them, including you, I wish I could give what I've had. Why could I get this, but not you? Why could I have a nice childhood, but not you? It honestly makes no sense to me....
A great poem, one that helped to keep my eyes always open... if you want to keep talking, my contact info is on my author page, or you can message me on here.... thanks for sharing this wonderful piece. I hope sometime, your anger can be cleansed and you can live happily...
My condolences and feelings out to you,
Alex
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i'm glad you got something from this write. but honestly, god gives each of us our lives because we can handle them, and we will come out strong from our experiences. he lets things like this happen because we can all take something away from it. i am so happy that you were blessed with great parents, from the sounds of it. he gave you a good example and support for strength, he gave me an experience to help me make a better person of myself and learn from my parent's mistakes, as well as an example of what things like drugs and alcohol and violence can do to a family.
and don't worry, i'm not angry about it anymore. i was, but i've learned alot in a short time, and i've let it go. thanks so much for reading.
i'm always here to talk if you need me,
`~becca.
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i don't understand.... but i loved the poem. It made me want to cry. It was really well-written and the flow and rhythm were good but what made it so amazing was the end- all the emotion you put into rocked me back in my chair from the force. Wonderfully done.
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an amazing write
awe, this is an amazing poem,,, i started to tear up just reading it,,, this is what a true poet can create,,, i litterally dont know how to leave a comment that is worthy enough to be near this.... great, great, great work,,, infinity out of infinity,,, i love this poem, i wish i could give this a trophy,,,, and srry if i sound like one of thoes ppl that are like, i dont know how to put it,,, way over boared sympathetic,,, srry.. great poem
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Hi
I've only just discovered your poem (and AP!) ... and it captivated me to read it all.
I admire you for writing it, and for sharing it. It's painful to read it -you've really been able to connect in the emotions. I can't begin to imagine the places you've been to produce this.
I really like how you captured the change of voice, from young child to a young adult.
You may no longer be looking for feedback but just in case ... My only real constructive feedback would be that I wonder if some of the line breaks are slightly out of synch? I felt that the letter to Mum part had a real punch in the tone of it - that really helped add to the anger, I could feel it oozing from the page, but then for me it seeme to lose it a little bit. Perhaps just amending the break at line 78, to linking this with 79-80, 81-84, 85-89 .. this may help keep the punch thump through your letter part? Just a thought ... I'm no expert! lol.
I think it's an amazing poem, I look forward to reading more of your work.
Best wishes for your future
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WOW
This is such a touching write. I am sorry for the pain that was inflicted upon you physically as well mentally. It is never right when a chil has to go through this. My mom left my father when I was five because he was a druggie alcholic abusive a$$. twelve years went without a word from him.
I have forgiven him now becauseI understand now that I can't live my life in hate of a person because of what someone did, or didn't do. Life is full of pain and sorrow. But also it is full of joy and love. I spent 20 years alone, until last week. I move across contry to be with the one I love. I understand your hate and pain. But you need to let it go because it is holding you back. You are letting it control you and make you think such thoughts that you will cry because you have thought trhem when all you wanted was your mother to hold when you were all alone. I know the emotion of crying out in the night to my dad because I didn't unerstand at that age why my mom left my dad. I didn't understand why he didn't want to be in my life. I grew to hate him because he wasn't there for me when I needed him growing up. When I needed him to show me how to be a man.
But I forgive him because it is that reason of abondonment that I felt that I will never do that to my kid.
ok so now my judgement of this write. I think it is amazing and very emoitional, full of emoition.
I think you need to find it in your heart to forgive her. H is a horrible drug and does horrible things to people. Sorry for such a long comment.
Stay strong in faith and in p;oetry my fellow student of life
Always corey.
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Amazing
this is amazing so heartfelt in the beginning little girl wanting her mommy but you grew and your mind blew up now you hate her you want to murder her and all i can say is this it is sad and emotional very very sad it makes me almost want to jump off a bridge and slit her throat and never come back and leave on a train to a place called hell just to see what you life will turn out to be so vampiress i must say this is one of the best 0ones you have done just amazing you outdone yourself i can feel the way you wrote i agony hate and a litle love and anguish in the begining and well it's just sad now i must go nice write thanks for sharing.
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Some people sholudnt deserve to be givan a name. They deserve to be a heartless. The Bad turns Good. Mom was horrible=amazing individual today who writes amazingly by the name of midnight vampiress.
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oh my god, this is heart breaking, its amazing too, it is pretty dark i love how it goes from when the girl was to little when she was older how love whent into hate, really good, keep it up xx
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*sobs*
this is such an emotinally strong poem it made me cry amazing job keep on writing just so great
love broken harted girl xx
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This sounds A LOT like that abortion shit they make you post on your page.
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i know. it does sound alot like that, but the inspiration didn't come from that.
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this is amazing and a very strong write. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all this, I couldn't imagine it, but I am glad that you know you don't need her anymore, cause you're better than she will ever deserve. Again this is an amazing write!!!
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Wow. I loved this. It was so sad, yet beautiful at the same time. I think you did an amazing job at conveying your feelings. I dont think that you need to add anything. It works well, and adding things to it would ruin it I think. Great work, and I am so sorry you had to go through this.
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Wow, it is great that you are releasing all of your feelings instead of bottling them up longer. I am sorry for what happened to you, I loved the poem how it was. I don't think the beginning needs to be more childlike. I does sound like what a three year old would say and ask.
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wow hun i love it i hope that u will talk to me about it i agree with the ones before me that is alot of pain but i also agree that in the begining it could be a little more childish but no matter wat i think that it is a great work of art
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So much pain couldn't be held inside for too long... so I will say that it was good that you let it all out. I'm sorry that you had to endure all this, at such a young age. I'm sorry you had to come to this world through a bone-dry, senseless piece of *bad word*. But, in a way, it was the best that you were taken away... I don't know if this makes sense to you, but... imagine, what would have happened if you would have kept living with her... what would have become of you?
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wow, great. u sounded most like a child in the beginning. maybe a little more childlike would be helpful but it really is great!
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