Nine

nine in the evening
alone
shouldn't really complain but hypocrisy's just such a hoot
the smile doesn't reach her eyes
it hardly warms her mouth
it's the memory of a smile
the memory of happiness
somewhere long ago in another time and place it was present
vaguely imagine the silhouette of its existence
the details washed away with the ever present rain
so complain about loneliness
though it was you who walked away from the social interaction in the first place
either way, you'll weep
in with the crowd you're still an outsider that's allowed to watch the goings on and yearn, envy
out of the crowd you're the victim again
and you say you try
oh how you try
but the examples elude you at this moment in time
what a coincidence
nine in the evening
they go out and enjoy the moon and the stars and the cold snap air
you wish you had someone to enjoy it with
the smile didn't reach your eyes
it hung somewhere lost in the contours of your lips
too tired and defeated to try again
such a disappointment