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What they say isn't what you hear

The dusty roads of Palestine are no longer dusty.
The streets are blooded whirlpools,
With bumps and lumps cover in cloth,
Stained our land.
Killed my son.
His fresh blood on my hands,
His cold blood on their name,
I swore at the world, I swore into the streets,
Like a hostile woman being deceived,
I hated the nation hated the rules,

Beat on my legs.
Beat on my head.
Crying in despair.
Nobody brave enough to stop and care,
To ask me 'what's going on my dear',
They say its peace for peace,
But we hear bullets.

They say its justice.
But we hear screams.
Falling into a time of ambiguity with sorrow,
Would I even live until tomorrow?

Author notes

i'm just currently writing poems for my english course which requires poems about entrapment, i felt to write about Gaza. May God help them.

feel free to comment :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • chloris
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    hey Tizz,
    i like your thought behind writing this piece. you sound like a thoughtful person who really cares deeply about people who are suffering and by now lost over 1300 of their people and have over 5300 people injured.
    sigh... i wish everyone of us was thoughtful enough to stop it. we are merely the third party in this political "play"... sorry for the rant.
    about your poem...
    i don't like your use of punctuation, it distracts the readers... hinders the flow of the poem.
    and your use of article... "the"... if you'd lessen it a bit, the piece will be better and umm... i don't want to sound like a person who'd be mean to a new AP poet... but i really like what you've offered to the readers... and umm i do have one more suggestion.. perhaps it'll be better if i let it pass this time lol...
    i will keep reading your stuff if you want me to.. and hey you can reply to your comments by clicking "reply" that you can find underneath the critic's name and avatar.

    • Tizz
      January 20

      Edit | Reply
      aw thanks alot.
      no infact i really appreciate the criticism, as i am trying to improve it, and i will definately take into account what you suggested.
      yeah the puntuation is a problem for me. but apparently my teacher says i need to put some in and i just placed them here there wherever i felt like lol but i'll re-edit.

      and i would actually reeeeally appreciate if you did read other stuff i wrote and offer any ideas you think will improve them

      thanks so so much.

      • chloris
        January 20
        Edit | Reply
        you're most welcome. i see you need to work with the punctuation marks... and i will definitely come back and read you... it's 3am now... i should be in bed...

  • Tizz
    January 10
    Edit | Reply
    aw i really appreciate the comments thanks so so much. really pleased that you could relate to the poem and see it as a powerful peicce

    x


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    January 10
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    Powerful ~

    The imagery in this is incredibly overwhelming for me, only because my son died in my arms --
    This is a stunning poem, full of strength, emotions, imagery ... your teacher should be very impressed by this


    Enjoy AllPoetry
    Stay safe
    ~Manda
    Site Greeter


  • JillyBeaner
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is so powerful! You portrayed the emotions very well within it! i thought you actually were this woman!

1 - 6 of 6