The slice of your wrist.
Fingers curl into a fist.
The fist in your face.
Bloody nose your heart starts to race.
Gun pointed at you.
Turn your back, shots in back, you counted two.
Blood pours out, gasping for a breath, your life is at an end.
There is no one to help you, no one here you can call a friend.
There's so much blood, you think as you fade.
Your sense of revenge got you into this, look what happend, with your life you paid.
In the end revenge might cost you your life.
So just remember you die you cause your loved ones strife.
Give me your worse criticism, dont worry i can take it.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Must improve...
"Revenge, Blood, Then Death"
The slice of your wrist.
Fingers curl into a fist.
The fist in your face.
Bloody nose your heart starts to race.
Gun pointed at you.
Turn your back, shots in back, you counted two.
There is no one to help you,
no one here you can call a friend.
There's so much blood, you think as you fade.
Your sense of revenge got you into this,
Blood pours out, gasping for a breath,
your life is at an end.
In the end revenge might cost you your life.
look what happend, with your life you paid.
So just remember you die you cause your loved ones strife. <<<<
You could work it out. Yes, You can improve it. My idea was what You see here. Now You go ahead and revisve and set it to completion.
I do like the poem's contents, but please bear with me: What Master Robert Frost would tell You?
In admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU -
Hi Truthful siner,
I enjoyed this read your so right even though revenge feels good there usualy not a good outcome to it. This is the first time I stubled buy your work enjoyed it keep upp the good work Love the dark poems lol...
~ERIKA~
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I've read alot of poems, but this one is definetly one of my favorites! Can't wait to read more. ^I^
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very gewd ^^
tis very gewd ^^ -
im retarded, i read but never commented! Well, I love it, good rhyme, there was no meter to it, but i still loved it!!!!
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I loved this
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Damn! Now this was one wicked poem. I so enjoyed this poem. So dark so gorey yet very fixating. A poem you just can't stop reading. It left me hungry for more. Revenge my friend, is a dish best served cold. Quite intrigung. I expect to read more.
~Amber~
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damn
pretty intest. love it! -
Read it
Liked it
most of all understood it.
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This is pretty good. I can almost hear you speaking this. You did a wonderful job writing it. and I must say, the last line is so true! Keep up your amazing work!
CrimsonViper -
Death is not an option for you. Sorry. If you need someone to talk to you can talk to me. I have eyes and ears and hands so I am perfectly capable of understanding words. Don't you dare think that this is the option you need to take.
♥
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wow i understand that o.O amazingly composed =]
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I <3 thi
veeeery good
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great
i know how this feels
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