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Defenseless

I awake, and now I'm staring at the ceiling.
I know you're not really here,
but I put up my barricades anyway.
I was dreaming again.
I was remembering again.
Sleep isn't a sanctuary anymore.
My dreams offer no asylum.

      I was left defenseless
      with no chance for dissent.
      I was forced to acquiesce.
      You stole everything from me,
      and I thought you were my angel.
     

Author notes

This is about being sexually abused by your lover.

A contest entry

I would prefer critiques rather than advice please.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • lindaburns gold member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I already have all my finalists but this is good and I am going to see if I can work it in somehow. I have never heard this said as you said it. I think it is profound.


  • docbill gold member
    January 29

    Edit | Reply
    You have the first verse and the chorus. This is going somewhere. It's begging for more!

    In the first line I might loose the "I'm" I think it would flow a little better.

    Let's see

    Asylum is where I need to be
    knowing your not here with me
    A leap of faith may put us back
    together in your world
    your world isn't mine
    your dreams leaving me.

    Sorry delete this if you want.
    Wierd mood tomnight


    • DancingQueenAngi
      January 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for such an awesome comment! I love what you wrote however it seems to be going down a different road from what I'm talking about in my chunk. Honestly, I would post that stanza you just wrote. Maybe add more, but it doesn't even need it! Again thanks a ton!

      ~DancingQueenAngi