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Etched in flesh.

I lay in ruin; Pain claims my being;
Eternity mocks me, cruel and demeaning.

Battered promises reek of contempt;
Deception misguided my failed attempt.

Shameless tastes of hell's open gate;
Screaming for mercy, this is my fate.

Treachery unknown; Torment awaits me,
all because you failed to save me.

Numbing constellations, etched on my being;
The "peace" of death is oh-so deceiving.

I grasp the cold metal trigger and count to eleven;
ten isn't enough time when hell's disguised as heaven.

Flooding tears do more than cloud my vision;
Taking an innocent life is hell's latest mission.

My finger so much as twitched, and my life is forever lost;

so for those still bearing choice;

... I hope you see the cost.

Author notes

"a rose of any color and bright blue daisies"

Hope you like, I tried to do a unique take on the prompt.
=]
Thanks so much for opening it back up for me!

A contest entry

What's your constructive criticisms and thoughts on my poem?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Vintage Chiffon
    May 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was a wonderful write. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME EVERYTHING THAT I ASKED FOR, thank you for the entry in this contest - I wish you the best of luck

    damien


  • Symphony
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    Unique indeed this was fast flowing and hard hitting.

    Congrats on the previous trophies it won, thanks for entering


  • stargardt13
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Very good poem. I enjoyed reading it. The emotions were very intese and powerful! It also includes a great message about suicide and surviving. Thank you so much for sharing this with me and entering my contest


  • Ms-Mouse
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    Did it for me! Well written!


  • hyper thing
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    thanks 4 entering

  • poets whisper silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    thank you


  • Shelby K
    February 9
    Edit | Reply
    impressive. i liked this poem. thanks for entring and good luck.


  • November-Dani
    February 6
    Edit | Reply
    Impressive, I really felt your emotion.

    Thank you.


  • Luciferschild
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    good poem but i didnt like the ending too much. i thought it was written creatively just not the ending


  • reckless abandon
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    I'm a big fan of rhyme and I especially like the rhyme in this, thanks for sharing


  • Rhythm Child
    January 23
    Edit | Reply
    brilliant rhyme
    didnt stutter at all
    great flow


  • stylization
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    Great job, I like the rhyme scheme and the flow of it. Well written.


  • JustFallingApart
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    I realy liked this. Thank you very much for entering. best of luck and hope all is well


  • Abstract Image
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written poem from start to finish and i hope ur glad to hear that i did change my mind before i killed myself but with a knife...i hate guns beyond the existence of life...good luck


  • pumpykin
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really like how this ends It's a very powerful and emotional write, and I think you got your point across very nicely Amazing write, thanks for entering ^^


  • broken-angel
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    loved this x


  • Koromone
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    omg
    this is amazing!!!
    you deserve to win
    xxx

  • MightyBoosh
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, suicide? Putting people off suicide yes?
    It was amazing, very powerful, i like the imagery from the finger twitching....you could just imagine this all in play.
    Amazing.


  • chilali
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing write! I loved this. Congrats on the HM and good luck in the other two contests.


  • raiining sunshine
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    wow. great poem!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very unquie and creative take on the prompt...nicely done...lovely flow and depth...

    thank you for entering!

    mystic


  • coryclendening
    January 9
    Edit | Reply

    Thumbs Up.

    Good stuff.

1 - 24 of 24