A Painful Legacy
©copyright 2004 Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.
I don't know when it began with her,
years of pain pills and reality blurred.
Perhaps at five, 1932, when her father died,
or even twelve, 1939, at her mother's demise.
Alas, I have no memory of her until six,
1950; by then, her ways in a terrible fix.
I recall, then, standing at the back door in awe:
She was hitting the woman next door, I saw;
I remember fear but not for me.
It was for the lady, you see;
for fierce were the blows I knew well,
though no one could I tell.
So many times throughout the years,
she pulled knives on her husband yet cried tears;
yelled obscene names that were not true.
Though, her friends were not just a few.
Why, even my own friends thought she rocked,
because the truth behind doors was heavily blocked.
Times lost in count, over and over she said,
"No one loves me, I wish I were dead;"
then, turn on the gas or take a handful of pills,
while declaring she was not addicted or ill.
Time and again, to the hospital she was rushed:
each year, closer and closer to death she brushed.
Finally, 1985, just short of turning fifty-eight,
The phone rang, though I don't recall time and date.
Her husband's brother stuttered, then said,
"Your mother is dead.
She'd sworn to do it the night before,
as my brother came through the door."
Suicide: the final solution,
where there is no resolution?
I thought so, once upon a time;
after all, Mother said it was no crime.
Praise the Lord, for me He intervened,
"You are mine!" He fiercely deemed.
Suicide: a crime of weakness,
not one of meekness.
It is a deadly legacy left to children—
and the children's children.
So, I said, "The buck does stop here.
My kids will not know this fear!"
Mother was too drugged to see what she had:
a man who loved her and was not bad;
kids who loved her, too,
and even grandkids a few.
But in her drugged hazes, confusion and pain,
she never knew the joy she had obtained.
Only God can change these things,
if our woes to Him we bring.
With tears, lay them at His feet,
and quickly evil He will defeat.
But, take another pill,
and the Devil will have you every day.
Lucifer wants to destroy our life;
so, he fills it with agony and strife.
I remember asking God, "Help me to see!"
And He said, "If it's negative, it's not me."
Oh, how very simple were those words,
profoundly setting me free to fly like a bird.
SUICIDE IS NO ANSWER!
Praise the Lord, I've never suffered addiction
Author notes
Author: Bonita M Quesinberry, R.C.
This a true story: my mother, who died of a fatal overdose in April 1985, after her whole adult life of prescription addiction, and me. While I did attempt suicide once, by the grace of God I've never been addicted to anything.
SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER!
CHRIST IS THE ONLY ANSWER!
FAITH IS THE ONLY CURE!
Step outside self and help others, then your misery will seem pitiful in comparison and you will gain self-satisfaction and peace.
In a list
A contest entry
- life after death by Shelby K.
500 points, ended February 9, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide! Suicide! Suicide! by BleedingDeep.
600 points, ended February 11, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, cutting, suicide, sadness, depression by stargardt13.
700 points, ended February 28, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest On Drug/Alcohol Addiction (Huge Points) by Viyanna Rosemarie.
20000 points, ended March 12, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide and Pain by earthlover0915.
800 points, ended September 7, 168 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Addiction often leads to suicide. JESUS is the solution; not pills or street drugs or suicide.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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before this write can/will be considered for the finalists, i need you to left align as the rules state. in the publication of the book we are doing, that is how everything will be done. please adhere to the rules. thank you for entering and i wish you the best of luck. viyanna rosemarie
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Pretty full-on narrative here. is it about mental illness?
I don't really understand the first verse at all, well, I understand the concept of it, but those dates and ages stuff confused the daylights out of me, almost doing math problems and they still didn't seem to add up, sorry.
I think the poem would work much better if you removed the first verse, start from v2.
it's so full of dark, depressing imagery, a sad story really, strangely enough, filled with hope, almost hoping the main character will pop off and relief when she does.
The sad thing about mental illness is that God can't always fix it, but can offer a measure of comfort to the victims.
Best wishes - Emmjay
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Thank you, Emmjay. Actually, I've revised the poem for better clarity. It is about my mother and her adult life spent as a prescription drug addict; which ultimately led to her suicide just short of her 58th birthday. She did not have mental illness; albeit, because her parents both died when she was so young, I would come to understand, as a psychotherapist myself, that she suffered abandonment syndrome: typical of children whose parents die when they are too young to understand the concept of death.
Love in Christ, BonnieQ
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This is a very touching story. I am so sorry to hear about your mother and the tradgides you had to endure. I'm glad you've turned to the lord for comfort and can seek happiness within him. This was very inspiring and sad. I was on the verge of tears just reading this. Thank you so much for entering this. I truley loved your poem.
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Oh My
Gee sis Bon this is so very sad. I'm crying just reading this poem.
Your mother's life story and then yours just broke my heart, all through the beginning and some at the end. For no one should ever have to suffer such a horrific act of child abuse. A parent committing suicide. But you see you allowed God to intervene into your life to stop the generational sin and therefore you have been set free in Christ and so have your children and their children.
Aren't we lucky Bon that the Lord chose us, but then we were so broken we surrendered and welcomed our Savior and King into our hearts, mind, bodies and souls!!!
You have taught me so much just in the very short time I've gotten to know you. You are a fabulous, beautiful prayer warrior with a powerful voice in which God is using to help many people including myself. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for just being who you are now in which God intended for you to be. To be His and not one of this World!!! Thank you as always for sharing your gift to write incredibly talented poetry as well as stories and documentaries with statistics even!! A Brilliant woman you are!
Love You Bunches!!
Praying Showered Blessings From Heaven Above On All You Do And By Being Just Who You Are!!
Your Sis,
Kelle Marie
PS. My step mom committed suicide also, just 10 years ago!!! She shot herself in the head due to her own addiction to medications.
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Indeed, sweet Sis, God is GOOD! I remember being taken to church at age 6 and hearing "Jesus loves me." I knew right then I wanted what He offered; had to take a few detours before getting there, but each byway was to be used for God's purpose for me. We have an awesome Father and a very gracious Saviour!
Thank you so much for sharing your story: it, too, is to be used for God's purpose for you and to aid in preventing others from that all to well traveled road leading to nowhere except utter destruction.
Luv ya tons & more! SisBon 
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I don't think you could edit this poem and make it better, it is so powerful and delivers such a message. Truly Bonnie, it is a masterpiece and it makes a statement everyone needs to be made aware of. I've know others who fell to suicide and it only hurt everyone who knew them, most especially because they didn't know how much they meant to those people.
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Thank you so much, darling brother! When it was written, it was my hope to help prevent one more person, if only one, from feeling that suicide is the last resort to problem solution. If nothing else, I would hope they would consider those in their lives, especially the children left with such a terrible legacy.
Much love and hugs, SisBon
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So Sad and Inspirational.
This poem had me captured. I read it with wonder and a sense of sadness. It captivated my senses and made me think of all kinds of things.........I so much appreciated the ending and inspiration. The meter and rhythm did not detour the powerful message at all for me....it just wasn't a
factor. This is a powerful message. I am so sorry that you had to endure this kind of childhood! But it seems to have fashioned you to some extent and brought about a strength and expression to help others.
Well done.
Annette
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By the grace of God go I, precious Annette; for even as a child God had given me an uncanny sense of logic, the ability to look at things, people and events for what they really were: the lessons we must learn in order to find our way back home to our true Father. And, long ago I realized that none of those things happened to me, only this flesh garment I wear, that I might see clearly the things God hates with a perfect hate and to avoid same.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement!
Much love & hugs, SisBon
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