There's nowhere to go
except all the old places,
filled with a thousand dispirited faces.
[I wonder if mine also looks that way now
that this heartbreak is taking control]
I've got stars in my eyes,
but they don't want to shine.
I'm driving out west to recycle my mind.
[this glass bottle, newspaper, plastic parade
that never stops growing in size]
The taste in my mouth
is familiar, at least.
My sweater is rumpled, my khakis are creased.
Morning creeps up in my Rover's back seat
as the sun cuts a wake through the south.
The radio sputters
through last summer's hits.
Photos are records; I tear them to bits.
Last mix-tape he made is still jammed in the player,
the others are tossed in the gutter.
And when I get back home
and forget how to cry,
the only uncertainty left will be 'why?'
I'll dive in an ocean of red gasoline
with yellow brake fluid for foam.
A contest entry
- two hundred. by Captain Obvious.
875 points, ended February 8, 40 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions? Thoughts? Criticism? Feelings? Unrelated stories? I'll take them all.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i like this in a weird way.
best of luck! :] -
You should put this to music. It has a song feel to it and I could imagine it being something a hundred folk guitarists would be singing for a long time to come. It's got immortality all over it. The first stanza is brilliant. And the ending nearly sets your teeth on edge. Brilliant.
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i like. this.
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I read this a while ago, and have absolutely no idea how I managed not to comment on it. It's really good. The small rhyme you put in the middle of each stanza brought a good repetetivity (is that a word?) to the poem, and really helped it read smoother. I really like what you said here as well. Great job!
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got nothing to say, no comment, just figured this one deserved the points.
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Beautiful piece. Emotionally poignant and well done.
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This has a beautiful rhythym and sound to it. I love the rhyme shceme and the whole feeling. Just so sad...Great job!
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Holy shiiit, girl. This is sooo good.
I could feel the rhythm perfectly
and I loved the story.
If you weren't already in my favourites, you would be now.
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merci beaucoup XD
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Wow
What a powerful piece. I don't know what else to say the emotions are like a slap in the face to make a person stare and look twice. Wonderfully written.
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