I keep choking,
hoping I will
die soon,
but let's back up.
the mud was
to our ankles
and you were
watching me with
a little grin.
and I kept telling
and I kept telling
them to try harder
because you are
farther from
quitting than they
really think.
our toes sink into
the sludge that
is probably sewage
and who knew it
would end up as
socks on our feet?
just don't blink-
but I know when
my eyes get too
dry they'll split
and then
bombs away.
"it's okay"
and it's not okay
because you
don't know how
much I need you.
seeds of
the pine trees
are heehawing,
and green things
are falling, and
stop it, it's not
funny [any more].
you don't come out,
and I’ve counted to
ten, but not again.
not even for you.
then you wave like
you did when we were
just kids and you were
the lover others wanted.
"baby baby" and
there are no
trees. just the
pine, cold
tiles, a dying light;
fixture.
I'm praying I drown,
but there is no water.
just a toilet
that never stops
running.
sure we were
fucking, but we
were never
in love.
Author notes
"After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her."
-Mark Twain
A contest entry
- Roy G Biv by Melissa Gayle.
650 points, ended January 20, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice is welcome
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Honestly, I don't care for the first stanza at all - for me it begins at two.
You tell a story well, in almost an abstract sort of way (at least here I mean) -
and your ending is just perfect in relation to the piece -
i really love the way you write, Khourey.
p.s. how's meh fellow kappa delta sista doing??
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This is really well done.
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Your style in this piece is so easily relatable to my experiences. There is a "commonality" in its tone, like you are being direct and truthful. That is a lovely way to write.
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Boy did I love this. It really had a mixture of meanings and feelings for me. I just lost someone a bit ago and I could really see them in this in the beginning. I don't know if this is sort of a companion piece to "prisoner, not prison" but both of these I so adore. You really have a way with simplicity like I've never found in anyone else before. Amazing hun
Jeanette*~
P.S. that movie you quoted in your AN is so good! ever seen it? [the adventures of mark twain]
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no I haven't seen it, but I love the quote. Maybe I should check into it. I'm sorry for your loss, I know that it brings about a bitterness that even the deepest words can't describe. I haven't forgot about your contest either.
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