prostrate, there is
nothing
between my knees and
the floor. it
is cold, stone, damp
& gritted seen this close. my
hands are curved, carved
like claws
or a cup designed to hold
tears – if so
they have spilled. they
would trickle down my cheeks, my
chin, dripping down, mixing
that grit to a dismal paste
of flaked stone
and despair. they would, if
my eyes were not dry, desert,
drought – so many ways
to say ‘hopeless’. I am
hopeless.
But I must ask.
Author notes
'supplication'
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: Round 1 by Never Fall in Love.
700 points, ended January 18, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Do to the medium difficulty level of your prompt, Chandni and myself have given your score ONE (1) bonus point out of a possible two.
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34/40
9/10 - creativity, without getting off topic
8/10 - poetic devices/technique
8/10 - imagery
9/10 - emotion
I loved your take on the prompt. So powerful.
I felt like there was a little more to this, and when I was finished a felt like a wanted a little more,
but besides that, this was really well written. I love the way you use your images and what you portray with them. The emotion comes through with them. -
9/10 - creativity, without getting off topic
7/10 - poetic devices/technique
8/10 - imagery
8/10 - emotion
total: 32/40
I loved how you played this into words with the various images you chose. The only thing I would suggest to work on ould be the line breaks - they are very out of place and disrupted the flow at awkward points.
Good Luck -
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~that was kinda the point, since this is such an uncomfortable situation.
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I can see that, but at some places it becomes very random:
the floor. it
is cold, stone, damp
& gritted seen this close. my
to the point that sometimes I lost sentence structure and lost balance of what you were saying.
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-
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"or a cup designed to hold
tears – if so
they have spilled."
What a line... Great piece. Bravo
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i like this....
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