this town
is pregnant with snow,
turgid and replete
beneath its icy dusting,
dragging tree-limbs
and drug-ed completion. Her hair
is an ancient frame
about her face, skin like a doll’s
and the straggled strands distressed
like antique furniture. The oak
and willow in her bend, the
obscure perfection of her posture –
a rare formed bonsai, beauty
in still branches trained
to serenity. She
is not free, not a forest-child, she’s
no nymph – her cares
are rooted in the concrete on which
she stands, the houses and streets
bound by snowfall, the
aching glimpse
of every-day. But for an instant
no one could tell her
apart.
Author notes
For AP X-Factor, from this ~ if the judges want, I can send them the critique messages JM Kenyon & myself exchanged; they were very helpful.
A contest entry
- AP X Factor: Round Two [Top 16] by sideways hourglass.
525 points, ended January 11, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
90
originality: 9
creativity/poetic devices: 9
personality/emotion: 9
focus: 9
cohesion: 9
rules/requirements followed: 10
personal opinion: 9
mechanics: 5
balance of images/ideas: 5
line breaking/structure: 4
title: 3
diction: 5
syntax: 4
[extra credit] X Factor: 0
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 100 -
91
originality: 9/10
creativity/poetic devices: 9/10
personality/emotion: 10/10
focus: 9/10
cohesion: 9/10
rules/requirements followed: 10/10
personal opinion: 9/10
mechanics: 5/5
balance of images/ideas: 5/5
line breaking/structure: 4/5
title: 3/5
diction: 5/5
syntax: 4/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 91
Laura
-
this is so beautiful... if i had been judging i might have even given you something higher than tyler's scores
i love the doll imagery most, and the forest parts too.
your control of diction is positively wonderful.
i love it-cassidy
-
90
originality: 9/10
creativity/poetic devices: 9/10
personality/emotion: 8/10
focus: 9/10
cohesion: 9/10
rules/requirements followed: 10/10
personal opinion: 9/10
mechanics: 5/5
balance of images/ideas: 5/5
line breaking/structure: 4/5
title: 4/5
diction: 5/5
syntax: 4/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 90
Just my opinions.
-
"this town
is pregnant with snow"
this made me chuckle a little, bit it is unique. i love it. what great opening lines...
I thought the ending was subtle at first, but after analyzation, it is perfect on both levels of meaning.
-
I am still amazed by the quality of the imagery that you have in this write. The images have a duality about them, they not only create a scene in the mind but provide an affective emotional foundation to contemplate as well.
s and all the best of wishes always...
~Genie~ -
id give you 8000 applause if i could for using the word, turgid
.
the [s] sounds in L9 were especially pleasant when said aloud, i thought.
this is very well written. im glad i chanced upon you. =]
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