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Here Take It

Here take it
It's yours now
It's given up its hold on another
It's mine to give again

Here take it
It's yours now
To keep as a reminder of me
It's easy to care for

Here take it
It's yours now
It makes me smile to see you with it
I hope you like it

But
If you don't want it
Please can I have it back unbroken?

A contest entry

needs some work but what do you think so far?? :P

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Tqop
    February 10

    Edit | Reply

    Nice.

    A heart is a very precious thing.
    This poem took you to different places.
    It made you feel different emotions.
    Honestly,
    I blew me away.


  • parenchma
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I like this, and the wonder of hope and trust. So polite and decent. the possibility of a connection, aware of the risks, and elicit kindness.


  • Ammon
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Indeed the poem holds a simplicity in a delicate message. I do believe it can be improved, ESPECIALLY the flow. I see your message and it's genuine in its own sense. Thank you for entering. I will reread this as well as everybody elses at the end of my commenting. A few other people that are excellent in the art of writing will give to me their input (outside of allpoetry). I will then put together our scores and thoughts and judge this immediately. Best of luck to you young Miss


  • queenie
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    i think the simplicity of it makes it quite profound.there is much to learn about being concise in writing and i think you know that. this is an unclustered piece that says so very much. my best to you in the contest.