i
And in the windblow my frailty fluttered exposed
even though I tensed muscles and fluffed my shoulders
I was still small
I think you said hold on to me but the dogs barked
stole your words with foaming lips curled
and black
all I heard was the roar of my eyes
as they turned to oceans that wore these furrows
on the strand of my face
and the loneliness of a tossed gull
wheedling on an outcrop.
ii
You gathered birchcatkins
impulsive
tails trembling
hurt with burstfulness
laughing you pushed them into my arms.
Love, like a swan , bites hard on my jugular
squeezes melted pain through my breast to my loins
unsheathed stamens quiver
discoloured illusions of self inflicted complicity
bruise
lifeforce issues ultimatae which are largely ignored.
iii
Once he shook me from sleep in the afternoon
February's new light
pirouetted
poised on the edge of evening
he said he dreamed the glitterati of St Petersburg
were shivering outside
scratching at the window their tiaras
and chandelier ear-rings
rattled on the glass
it was too early
to bring pussy willow into the house
bad luck shimmered dark under the ice of the Neva
but it was only brittle rain
and superstition is dead Comrade.
iv
Bound for a few seasons in hell in a drunken boat*
it was hot inside the dancehall
I could not breathe
outside, cold air poured over me
like your lips after absence
A man sat beside me on the bench
He thinks all sodomites should be killed
slowly
but he said look at the moon
it is beautiful tonight.
it lay on its back haloed by a vapour trail from an aeroplane
whose flashing lights
gave it green and red eyes
that watched the spread of stars
and an odd sort of bonding
between men of opposite polarities.
Author notes
*Rimbaud.
Rehash from 2005.
A contest entry
- a year in the life by Cat.
6000 points, ended February 14, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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excellent
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And in the windblow my frailty fluttered exposed
even though I tensed muscles and fluffed my shoulders
I was still small
I think you said hold on to me but the dogs barked
stole your words with foaming lips curled
and black
all I heard was the roar of my eyes
as they turned to oceans that wore these furrows
on the strand of my face
and the loneliness of a tossed gull
wheedling on an outcrop.
(((i go to someone larger than life itself yet still so incredibly small- i cant help but feel a sense of an unworthy-ness thing... The first line was beautiful in that it has set me up to be sensitive- i sit and wondered why i should be sensitive before moving on.... and you followed through shortly after with the loneliness of a tossed gull which tied it together for me. I hate it when the jets fly over head and someone is talking to me... it can become such a darksideofthemoon kind of moment where if i had no attention span, space man spiff would have me off on another adventure as soon as it passed.)))
ii
You gathered birchcatkins
impulsive
tails trembling
hurt with burstfulness
laughing you pushed them into my arms.
Love, like a swan , bites hard on my jugular
squeezes melted pain through my breast to my loins
unsheathed stamens quiver
discoloured illusions of self inflicted complicity
bruise
lifeforce issues ultimatae which are largely ignored.
(((i find such beauty in the memory of pushed them into arms laughing... a happy moment within - the realization of it all. I almost think the line with lifeforce issues could be as simple as : lifeforce issues largely ignored.. ultimatae wich are just seems redundant? because this stanza already made me feel this entire line - i wonder if it is even needed? You are so brilliant in showing details that i really dont think lifeforce issues line is needed. Just me though. I loved the dirty sex feel to unsheathed stamens quiver- something so wrong with that yet its so good mixed with the beauty of swan....))
iii
Once he shook me from sleep in the afternoon
February's new light
pirouetted
poised on the edge of evening
he said he dreamed the glitterati of St Petersburg
were shivering outside
scratching at the window their tiaras
and chandelier ear-rings
rattled on the glass
it was too early
to bring pussy willow into the house
bad luck shimmered dark under the ice of the Neva
but it was only brittle rain
and superstition is dead Comrade.
(((omit 'once' just start with 'he shook me..' I loved how you gave me location... I can picture the ships working hard through the ice of the Neva--either st. petersburg or where it opens in the gulf of finland-- just my mind wanders to this image and i feel the russian cold. I loved the glimps of hope that the pussy willow brought to this- you find contrast within each stanza that is so cleverly done and easy to the mind and eyes...)))
iv
Bound for a few seasons in hell in a drunken boat*
it was hot inside the dancehall
I could not breathe
outside, cold air poured over me
like your lips after absence
A man sat beside me on the bench
He thinks all sodomites should be killed
slowly
but he said look at the moon
it is beautiful tonight.
it lay on its back haloed by a vapour trail from an aeroplane
whose flashing lights
gave it green and red eyes
that watched the spread of stars
and an odd sort of bonding
between men of opposite polarities.
(((ahhhhhh rimbaud- and i hallucinate with you, but only if you feed me chocolate filled croissants.. i loved the image of cold air with lips of absence... i think my favorite section... yup.
funny how he would love them killed slowly- for he seems just as sick and that just made me smile- i guess because it reminds me of the almost blind level of hipocracy folks have...and you bring that vapor trail to monster like life and i havent had my croissant yet!!!
I couldnt help but think of who these two men are of opposite polarities... I go off into several places of my own... just two ordinary folks who are expanded by years so much that it makes them different, or i go to life styles... like a minister and a man who evolves around sex and women and dancing and the good kind of bad fun... or i think of other lifestyles... homosexuality and those who cannot grasp it.. or those like me a cop - i have my moments when the criminals were almost like good friends in the back taking them to jail... weird i know.. .but to have someone so opposite of me say thank you for being so nice to me when you arrested me....was just a place i went- bottom line... for me is that the opposites can find common ground, but it comes usually at the most unexpected of times...
ok i went off into my own world in this and i loved that you did that to me. This is beautiful work and i want to thank you for entering it.
))
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Wow Heidi, Thank you for all that. I shall certainly look at those alterations.
wish I could make it 10 stars for the crit.
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This sparked such a range of emotions upon first, second... read. I loved that about it, that I could feel the mix and conflict of light/heavy, happy/sad, beautiful/ugly and so much more. It was especially confirmed how much I love this piece when I encountered the image of pussy willow. sigh. It's not a common choice in poetry, though I use it quite a bit. It's just soft, and free with a slight push.
Wonderfully done, and best wishes in the contest!
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what can one do
in search of a space
far from ideals
a simple reality that can fill
the meaning of home
you'd think of hope
pray the divine exists
and then you stop
because you realise
that between god and you
there're allways the fuckin' saints
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I hope you won't stop writing poetry, Stef.
I would miss your words, I know you are working on the story, and I still want to read more, loved the bit I did read..
but don't stop writing poetry, please.
that last stanza.. i know that stuffy feeling, and how good the cool air feels, even if it is cold. Love going for the jugular, that too. Love that...
and the brutality (if I am way off, I'm sorry) ....in the first section..so stark. I like seeing the world through your eyes, even if it isn't that often...
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Fucking marvelous! Read out loud it soooooo me delights.
Oh such flow and delicious wordlyness!
"cold air poured over me
like your lips after absence" YUM!
Fabulous finish and golden throughout!
Your good, Stef. Great!
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