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Frozen

I stand now, on the pinnacle of decision
With a mountain beneath me,
And the gail of indecisive thoughts
Whipping my bare back.

For days I have remained
The silver maiden, child of stone,
Unmoving, unerring, unfeeling
Simply to avoid what seems like the only conclusion.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Seyloren
    July 23
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    Decisions

    Difficult to make, more difficult when you aren't the only one they affect.

    Good visuals, great metaphors, deliciously descriptive in a brief sense. I like when someone can portray so many feelings and expressions with minimal verbage... it's a unique talent to incite a reaction with a simple expression.

    Me likey.


  • Daire
    January 23

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    This uses a strong metaphor very well and the second stanza is nearly perfect (the only suggestion I'd make would be to shorten the last line if possible). The line, "the gale of indecisive thoughts/Whipping my bare back", is a particularly vivid and effective image.


    • insideinsanity
      January 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much! I wasn't sure, entirely, if I liked that last line either. I guess it's definitely good to hear I wasn't being crazy on my own terms...

      Thank you, again, for the silver!


  • queenie
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    fantastic. the contents of this are deep but not complicated. it is subtle but clear. the flow of it makes it easy to read and retain the message of the poem. very wel done. my best to you in the contest.


  • retribusive
    January 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful work.. very deep and thoughtful.

    The ending is perfect. "Simply to avoid what seems like the only conclusion." It really gives this write it's wow.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    January 8
    Edit | Reply

    Well done...

    good eight lines.

    Now turn and face the wind, walk through the indecisiveness, moving one way or the other toward the next phase of your life.

    Advise is sooo easy when it's not a problem for the advisor.

    I have just lived in indecisiveness before and it becomes like rotten meat. When we decide (right or wrong) we are in control, not controlled by the winds and whims of others.

    Comfort, familiarity and the remnants of love are difficult things to leave behind.

    Ah, shit, I got preachy again. Sorry, must be the dad in me


    • insideinsanity
      January 8

      Edit | Reply
      Egh, I know, right? Advise is way easier if you're not emotionally attached/involved with the situation.

      I'm not entirely sure what my true issue/life problem is right now...

      But we'll see. Things are [for the most part] improving.

      But thanks!

1 - 13 of 13