Although the air was chill, my body tired,
I lifted up my head and found relief.
The constellations wait to be admired.
They'll transport you to wonder from your grief.
How bright. How pure. They stud the milky sky.
Orion's diamond belt, the crab's jeweled claw.
All weight exhaled within a careless sigh,
All burdens of the mind are lost to awe.
How long I'd lay awake here, just to gaze.
How calming the effect of Moon and Mars.
A poet could spend his life in search of praise...
Alas, it isn't written in my stars.
Author notes
It is a shame our lives are ruled by jobs we don't like and so many pointless activities that we can not spend it doing more productive things - like admiring the stars.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is, again, wonderful. You're 19? Line 6 "Orion's diamond belt, the crab's jeweled claw." I love how you match the music of Orion's with the slant rhyme echo in diamond, and then set the word jeweled set between such such fine descriptive alliteration: "Crab's" and "Claw". As for line 7: "All weight exhaled within a careless sigh" You almost have to sigh to say this line! What brilliant prosody! As for the last line how lovely and how sad.
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18.
Thank you so much. I'm very flattered that you have looked so closely at my poetry.
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this made me feel like i did in high school. Like everyone was sooo into cars, football players, and all things cool. but no one took the time to see me, and i stood there, with so much to offer, and no one bothered to find out. But one day, one person took time out to see me, and get to know me. I know im taking this in a different direction, but this is how it made me feel, and for that, i say you did a job well done. Much love and respect.
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Outstanding
I have a star map and on clear nights I like to try and work out which constellation is which. It can be quite difficult to do. I liked your choice of imagery and the message of this poem - sad and poignant. A fantastic poem.
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