your eyes bled tart blue;
they writhed in broken syncopation
and like snowflakes, every wave
had its own distinct motion
and sound.
trying to decipher your
recycled phrases and misplaced apologies
was like trying to hold
the ocean in my palm.
slowly, your freckles became
remembered as tiny starfish
and your wandering fingers were electric eels --
pretty to see and catastrophic to touch
your saltwater disposition became
a constant; it's the steel marrow
buried in my bones and copper cells
in my blood stream
somehow I've learned to sense your
subtle shifts; when your sun tilts
and your tides flow or recede --
I am your sundial,
I am your shoreline
and I am your foam vitamins
by bright skies or ragged starlight --
your waters melted into me,
perpetually
stirring my
seashell echo
heart.
A contest entry
- Options Options Options by StillLovingYou.
700 points, ended January 22, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 30 lines/10 poets quickie by Hikari Lady.
400 points, ended January 15, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wearing my ♥ on your sleeve by WithinYourEyes.
400 points, ended February 19, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewritten contest for group "So you want comments" by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended February 3, 77 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I would just like the world to know that I understood this one.
I like your metophoricalisms and hooligun ways at the beachiness regions of this hemisphere.
I'm only assuming it's this hemisphere, though. By all means, it could be the one that's not this one, but hey. You live in this one, right? -
Cute! I love the beach feel and the beachy adjectives! Good job, good luck, and thanks for entering the contest!
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Interesting language, though it sometimes seems like it is used a bit gratuitously.
Good luck in contest!
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incredible...
I love this...
thanks
-dh -
I liked your imagery and how you made images flow in my mind. The metaphore was profound and the imagery just flew so well and made a whole piece of really strong emotions. I liked where you took the prompt and how strongly you've made the impact of the message. Really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for entring and good luck.
Much love
~Noor -
lost love? lost in an ocean? That was a particular concept you kept returning to. I found this poem pretty physchedelic... At least the imagery presented was. What dare I ask, are foam vitamins? All in all, I don't know if the excess of imagery took away from the raw emotion.
Still well constructed and unique
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Broken syncopation... -shivers in literary delight-
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finish finish FINISH!>.<
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One thing— "misplaced" hasn't got two S's. Prolly a typo, but all the same, I'll point it out because I'm nitpicky like that.
I love the oceanic metaphors— especially the electric eels. Wow.
Could you poke me when you upload the rest?
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1 - 9 of 9
