i.
you were a seed
deeply rooted and malformed
unable to germinate or blossom
ii.
your first, and only photo was black and white
it stained my fingers
uprooted my heart
curled on the sofa I traced
your grey, photostat memory
traced the words printed beneath
an omen that blurred through my tears
iii.
that night after the phone call
I cried
and cried, and cried
cried until my tears
watered the garden
knowing somewhere,
hidden beneath the soil
tulip bulbs waited to sprout
iv.
winter ends and there is rebirth
someplace between the invisible leaves
and swollen buds, you had purpose
her name was Stephanie
born the same day,
one year later
swaddled in pink
and wrapped by your wings
v.
I remember once
I gave birth
to a guardian angel
Author notes
April
A contest entry
- a year in the life by Cat.
6000 points, ended February 14, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is so touching- the black and white photo.. the angel wings.. iv is my favorite stanza... .. (check your roman numeral there?)
wonderful use of the prompt
m
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evidently I can't count, lol...thanks for the keen eye
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you were a seed, sort of
deeply rooted and malformed
unable to germinate or blossom
((( with your title... it gives the feel you intend with sort of... i would remove sort of.
leave it with - you were a seed
the space gives thought pause much needed and then move right into deeply rooted.)))
ii.
your first, and only photo was black and white
it stained my fingers
uprooted my heart
curled on the sofa I traced
your grey, photostat memory
traced the words printed beneath
an omen that blurred through my tears
technical jargon I really didn't want to understand
(((your first line in this is incredible. I know it is simple but its meaning and sadness is intense and yet at the same time there is such pride in that one photo. I would eliminate the entire last line- it is obvious to me the incredible upset mind and heart and i can relate from your emotions put forth that comprehension would be lacking and denial is definate.. the use of omen is incredibly well chosen and strong)))
iii.
that night after the phone call
I cried
and cried, and cried
cried until my tears
watered the garden
knowing somewhere,
hidden beneath the soil
tulip bulbs waited to sprout
(((until tears watered the garden... i really liked this line because within this great sadness and loss.... there is still the mother or takes care of things--- without functioning still can flower tulips... this is very strong in its weakness because of the tiny glint of hope and the desire to nurture not just nature but life)))
vi.
funny how time passes
winter ends and there is rebirth
someplace between the invisible leaves
and swollen buds, you had purpose
her name was Stephanie
born the same day, one year later
swaddled in pink
and wrapped by your wings
(((i would remove the first line completely... the image of winter ends and there is rebirth is where you really should have me directed- it is incredibly strong and should follow the last section, i think immediately- but that is just me....I understand what you wanted to do with that first line but its just a thought in removing it- just like all my other suggestions- that is all they are. The idea behind invisible leaves and swollen buds is so secretly sensual - very beautiful to me. I loved the ending and the beautiful name... very moving and touching. thank you so much for this beautiful entry!)))
v.
I remember once
I gave birth
to a guardian angel
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thanks, Heidi...your suggestions were great...your keen eye caught all the filler words. I appreciate it
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drafty? No. It's good. What a perfect ending. This onereally works for me. Moving, and yes, April.
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tell me when you're done (: maybe you are writing it right now... make it good lol
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I like April, it's a small but very sure reminder that the cold will subside soon.
will be back to see the yumminess!
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