Simplicity

I miss the old days
When it was so easy to smile
As if nothing was wrong
The days when death was just
A scary word
And not reality
I miss the days when I could laugh
And get away with being ignorant
The days when sticking your tongue out took the place
Of yelling and screaming and hitting
The days when the sun always shone
When you didn’t know better
When my brother was still alive
The days when drugs weren’t apart of
Every conversation
The days when I could run and play without inhibitions
The days when cuts and hurts were kissed better
When grades didn’t matter
The days when depression
Didn’t exist
When everything was easy and simple
And good
The days when the words
‘Normal’ and
‘Weird’
Didn’t mean anything to me
The days when gossip was silly and easily
Dismissed
When the other kids were actually held responsible
For their own actions
The days when I could only get in trouble
For stealing a cookie
The days when I didn’t have to write
My feeling on paper and
Hide myself from the world
When break-ups never happened
And when boys didn’t matter
The days when everyone was friend
When there were no such things as strangers
I miss those days
When pain only meant a bruise on you knee
Or a few wounded feelings. The days when I didn’t feel pain
Inside
The days when I’d never thought of suicide
Or cutting
When blood still frightened me away
The simple days
The easy days
The days to play in the rain
The days when I didn’t know the hardships of death
And hurt
When I knew that my mom loved me
When I never thought to doubt it
The days when I was allowed to be selfish
Or when I was allowed to be me
The days when I held hands with everyone
When the world seemed so big
The days when I knew nothing of war
Or suffering
The days when the word ‘if’ seemed so utterly possible
The days when I felt that I could fly
When I could swing on a playground and
Forget my worries
The days before I knew what the world was really like
I miss mid day naps
And finger painting
And rolling the mud
The days when looks never mattered to anyone
But my mom
The days when I loved going to the beach
Or climbing a tree and scraping my leg
The days when Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny
Really seemed
Real
The days when innocence ruled
Before I could ever appreciate those days they were gone
Here I am
Almost sixteen
And I barely remember being a kid
Here I am
Stressing out
And going crazy!
All just to please the world
I miss the days when things were simple
When my grandfather laughed and joked and kissed my forehead
The days before he died
I miss the days when my grandmother actually
Remembered my name
The days when milk and cookies seemed like a good meal
The days when I never thought of sitting behind the wheel
Or crashing
The days before I believed in demons
When ‘insane’ just meant ‘hyper’
I miss the days when things were simple
The days when I could just be a kid