sunwarmth lingers
on exposed summer skin
as dusk visits
crickets chirp
invitation to the insect ball
in the asymmetry of moonlight
winnowed through branches
grass trembles alive
at dawn
stars will fall
A contest entry
- a year in the life by Cat.
6000 points, ended February 14, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Between the 'dusk' and the 'dawn' it seems there's something pointed at, a mysterious quality to do with Life, which is deeper than words. I think it happens because of what isn't said between the second 'break'. Some magic has happened and we are left with it, trying to reconcile this gap which no longer is one, between 'tangible life' and a mystery of creation and annihilation.
Best I can put it at the moment.
Definitely some magic at work here.
Sol
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thanks so much jan
m
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tthat's lovely. lovely hat too. nice and dusty/dury feel to your words
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sunwarmth lingers
on exposed summer skin
as dusk visits
crickets chirp
invitation to the insect ball
((i loved the idea of insect ball and where i go... i wonder if they get dressed up.. or wear masks or have glass slippers... the opening with sunwarmth made me smile and close my eyes and think of that feeling)))
in the asymmetry of moonlight
winnowed through branches
grass trembles alive
(((interesting word winnowed... growing up on my farm we had a machine that 'winnowed' grain as daddy would say...though i know you mean it in the way of blowing through... i also wonder if the metaphor of separation plays into a role here too... i only say that because i think of the grass as a person... even if you only mean it as grass- lol... i loved where i went in a personal relationship within ones self)))
at dawn
stars will fall
((( and its a beautiful sight... again me being so weird i almost think of the stars falling as tears- silly and stupid prolly but.. its in a loving kind way... like happiness to be that grass that trembles alive.. eh maybe i looked too much into it but i enjoyed where i ended up in my own abstract brain! beautiful entry to our contest)))
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as dusk visits - not necessary
dusk lingers on summer skin
visits cricket chirp
etc.
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aha see I played with that line taking it out, taking the word as out moving things around but... the way i've placed it it can apply to either the lines above or below
hmmm
now you have me reconsidering again -
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it's too short to leave so much space of manouver
maybe just an accent or space maximum two
more makes it appear a bit "clumsy" -
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i'll try to contemplate it subconsciously as i work today
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smart arse!
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I missed this one..
I missed it like I miss that sunwarmth
glad I found it
Maybe the cold won't feel so cold when I go outside now.
ydk
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it was only a placeholder til yesterday
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i've had this bookmarked forever to read when you posted.
i love this -- a beautiful poem
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i totally love the soft voice...
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I love 'winnowed through branches'
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I'm glad. = )
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so worth the wait.. as this has universal weight to it. stars and sky alight... brilliant
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"winnowed through branches"... loved the sound of that. Excellent work hon.
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thanks K.
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hell yeah i am staying tuned... most of my sisters are here...
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it's here at last
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