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let live

    she was the mockingbird
    the singer, life-bringer
    defending innocence.

[until you broke her, huh?]

nobody heard when you did it.         
  nobody saw when you did it.          [then again, wasn't that the point?]

what did she do?                                [was it the fact that
                                                          she was even born that
                                                          ticked you off so badly?]
maybe you'll have time to regret it
in your later life.                                [there's quite a bit left. i think
                                                          you regret it already, though maybe
                                                          it's not the deed, but the result...]
maybe you'll learn.


[then again, maybe
you'll keep on going...]


    do you ever wonder
    how things would've turned out?

[how things would've been
if you'd just
let live...]

A contest entry

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Comments


  • jinsays gold member
    January 19, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I like the idea here. I do not care for the layout. It made the poem hard to follow for the reader. Perhaps you can just list the words/second narrative under the original words? You dont have to, just giving you my opinion, for what it's worth.
    Thank you very much for entering, and I wish you the best.
    Love,
    jin