This world of the mundane
shadows covering shadows
in an inkwell of blackness
behold the essence of my reality
In this darkened oubliette
where escape seems implausible
swirling clouds hold close to me
clinging tightly in a lovers embrace
Struck suddenly I am blinded
golden beams of light shining
I am formed anew from the depths
granted steel wings on which to fly
Launching myself skyward
with mighty thrusts
I bask in an explosion of color
hidden from me for so long
Shores of placid oceans
cerulean sky filled with billowing dreams
meeting and merging into aquamarine
to wash gently on lands beige's
Flames of autumn tumbling
adrift in eddies of current
unseen yet touching in warmth
chasing away chills of loneliness
As umber's dance on the greens
reflecting in the drops of gathered dew
sparkling between the glimmering rays
as I ride the winds of heavenly grace
Seduced so easily by the beauty beheld
of wonders spelled in clouds of euphoria
tinted in amber elegance and grace
crowned by auburn shades within lavender sensation
I climb to new heights in search
bathed in the warmth of this essence
I reach out to take hold of safety and home
to watch my wings ripped from me
So close I grasp at the light
only to have it shift to another
abandoning me to a certain doom
darkest death claims me as I plummet
A contest entry
- prewritten contest for all by serenity silvermoon.
490 points, ended January 30, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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thank you for entering the contest. If my comment is sparse, it's just that I have 165 entries and it's hard to make a decent comment to everyone.
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this poem was beautiful and filled with mouth watering imagery, but it doesnt fit my category. i love the story of icarus meaning i have read a bunch of poems about it. your poem was quite extroidinary, and beautiful. it was a great read, and i thankyou
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Wow, a 'twilight' poem, as I like to call it. Very trancy atmosphere you developed. It reminds of the zelda games. Very nefarious, indeed. Good job. Somebodies bound to like it.
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Your title drew me in, to be completely honest.
I'm quite glad that it did!
You're quite good at portraying images, your words form pictures in my mind.
I especially like the 4th stanza, very nice.
I feel as though the theme comes out in that little part.
Good luck in your contest. -
Good
There was a grip in the beginning in that there was desperation for obtaining a tangible hope. The flight towards it caught the attention of the reader with a snap. Here is the foothold and suspense:
"Launching myself skyward
with mighty thrusts
I bask in an explosion of color
hidden from me for so long"
"Seduced so easily by the beauty beheld
of wonders spelled in clouds of euphoria
tinted in amber elegance and grace
crowned by auburn shades within lavender sensation"
The rest between could easily be removed for effectiveness. And the last line, I believe, may be written with a clenched fist ending. For instance, "I plummeted into my returning darkness asunder!".
I enjoyed this alot, thanks for catching my attention.
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Very well done bro, I think that of the all too few poems of yours that I have read. I like this one the best. Great interpretation of an old tale. Best of luck...Scott
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wow truly lovely this is incredible!!!
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Wow....You have penned a beautiful, descriptive piece with such a sad ending! Other than, perhaps, adding punctuation I wouldn't change a thing about it...
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I was pulled in by the title. Both W H Auden's and William Carlos Williams' poems on this subject are favourites of mine. Tough competition I know.
I couldn't relate to the 'lovers embrace' which to me seemed too abstract, or to the 'steel wings'. But didn't want to leave after clicking without posting a comment.
'ripped' seems the wrong word for a melting. -
three years huh?...my friend, you have been writting for lifetimes
As a women who has beenwritting most of my life, I must say that i can see your words pour from you.
The flight of Icarus is one my fav. tales, for who fo us has not flown to the sun on wings of wax
beauty is trechery.
nice write.
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Well, this was cool...I liked it a lot. Very personal feel to it, as if the speaker is having a journey throughout. You did that well I thought.
Other than adding punctuation, it looks good...Good read.
BRANDON
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This is incredibly sad and ever so vivid. Something many can relate to.
We seek out love, in love we find light.
When dreams shattered,we lose sight,
exhausted and no longer desiring to fight.
We fail to see that love still exists,
hidden in the haze, distorted by tears mist.
Angels hold tight to the one whose brow they kissed.
No man is ever alone when loved by a friend,
good times, bad times, there till the end.
Take solace as my love to you I send.
Rest your weary head, I'm with you in spirit. My thoughts and love are with you holding you close. I shall always be there. I know you know this....please dont let the ending line of your piece be where your broken spirit waits. Your ink needs never to run dry...this is a masterful piece and articulately done. Think it is one of your best writes. Even though I needed a dictionary..
I promise you that love and light will find its way to you again...Thank you for sharing this piece with me...
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my heart sheds a river of flowing tears of darkened woe and hold you close within my heart wishing i could end your sadness my dear brother and friend please know you are loved and brighter days may one day shine again and the smiles and laughter you always bring forth shall be cherished as though they were the first . much love and many blessings always xxxxxx
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Oh my, this is sad! I love the images, but wow! how sad...
You did a great job on it though.
and love
Nyetta
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