True love is a bird
Flying free in the sky
Joy for it's song
Bold and yet shy
True love is a blank page
Upon which no ink can write
Ever pure, ever constant
Nothing changes this night
A night of lust
A night of love
A night of gifts
From God above
True love is a promise
Silently spoken
Never to be uttered aloud
Never to be broken
True love is a lamb
Sweet, innocent and nieve
Unexpected, not foretold
A beauty none could concieve
A night of lust
A night of love
A night of gifts
From God above
True love is a quill
In the book of our lives we write
Words spilling forth
And with love's wings take flight
True love is a fountain
The holy spring of life
Only ever getting a sip
Everlasting...at least for a night
Author notes
Thought I'd have a go at a love based poem and Im morethan happy with the result. Still only my third poem...HELP PLEASE!!!
A contest entry
- Any kind of love by Dorian-Gray.
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Improvements?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Awh, this was sweet - never been in love so can't say if I agree, but it was quite a romantic write -
I liked the insert at the end, 'everlasting if even only for a night' for the times, I'm guessing, when lust is mistaken for love and even if only after a one night stand, lives on in your memory?
Enjoyed this - thanks for entering
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This was a good write. I agree though that you may want to add another stanza or two, that would really make it much nicer.
Beautiful though.
Thanks for entering!
.xo -
Hopefully constructive ^^
I quite like the last stanza, and the opening one. I didn't like the repetative verse, perhaps if the poem was longer it would have worked having that there twice, but i think it would have been good if the poem had one or two more stanzas. Either way the first and last stanza were well written.
Laura. -
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That was constructive! Thanks!
Any ideas for other themes to stanzas? I've done blank page, lamb and a fountain but what next! I dunno maybe it'll come to me. Suggestions? -
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Well what i would suggest is not to force it, if you get inspired try listening to some nice music or something to just let it come. Also anything new i suggest putting above fountain stanza as its a very nice closing stanza. ^_^
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This stanza made me laugh, I shall now write what I was thinking:
True love is a lamb (Great in a kaba
Sweet, innocent and nieve (Like a child eating a kaba
Unexpected, not foretold (The after results of eating kaba
A beauty none could concieve (Scarcasm)
Yes, I know that isnt the true meanings but it's the funny meanings.
The last stanza... Yeaa could do with some tweaking but it would only be down to my style of reading/writing
"True love is a fountain
You bathe you do not dip
The holy spring of life
You jump in to get a sip
Well at least for tonight....."
My alternitive ending, kinda twists the message slightly, but then again, it does suggest the truth which is people can fall out of love overnight so get the most out of it while you can.
Good writ -
This is so beautiful! I believe in True Love! and your poem really makes it come to live in a beautifully effective way! This is truly a magnificent piece!
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