saw you
and you looked me
straight
in
the
eye.
you were different than I remembered.
different, but also quite the same.
all I wanted to do was scream so loud
that everyone would turn to stare,
so loud
that I wouldn't feel the drowning sensation that was starting to
overwelm me,
consume me,
become me.
but I didn't,
and I didn't say hello either.
A contest entry
- once again - 4 OPTIONS (PW ALLOWED) by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended January 24, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think of this poem?
Comments
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many many loves!
wow. I wonder what the inspiration behind this is?
on the other hand this is a marvellous example of free form poetry. I love the way you write and style your poetry so people read it the way it is intended to be. It also makes quite a small poem seem longer and more presentable. If i had any negitive comments it would be that some of your other poems are too short to attain much depth but this one is at the right length, the right style, and it's freeform so i don't need to comment on rhythm or rhyme... so all in all... it's pretty perfect. lol
i cant add many suggestions other than maybe up the use of the english language and use more intellegent and poetic words. But that's the biggest cop out ever. i can say that to anyone really... ^_^
imma do a hiaku.
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look at my newest journal entry and you'll see where my inspiration is.......
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