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Flaws of the mind

Bloody fingers trailing down pale skin, ghosts of the past wrapping their slender fingers around my throat, choking off my desperate words.

Vines of lies binding me down, twining around my limbs, tight enough to cut my skin, crimson tears, pearls of pain, rain down upon the sullied tiles of my soul.

Hot breath, like anger, in my ears, chilling my blood as whispered words, like feathers fallen, strike venom in my mind. It's twisting my thoughts against me, messing with my mind till I can't tell up from down, world without gravity.

Smooth lips, manipulating, against mine, smothering my pleas. coaxing me into submission, to give, as a slick tongue flicks out against resisting lips. It's breaking down my defenses, with words I can't seem to deny, as lips part in surrender and pale hands travel up shaking sides; coming to rest on damp cheeks, wiping the tears away.

Shh... It whispers to me, like fear, as I whimper, pulling my worn form into it's lap, running fingers like ice, like hate, running through my hair. Let me take care of you, I won't hurt you like they do...

Drained of myself I nod, too tired to resist anymore as It leans down to embrace me. My thoughts are unfocused, my eyes heavy, as I try to look at It, It's smiling down at me as It whispers quietly, clamping shackles on my wrists.

Hate chains you now, with Anger and Fear, the pathway's closing, yet the exit's so near...

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Strong imagery!

    Very creative imagery just oozes through this piece. Your title fits nicely with the poem, and I think the concept of the piece seems to be very easy to relate to, at least to me.

    "whispered words, like feathers fallen, strike venom in my mind"

    This line is very powerful. I do not know if it is because of the contrasting verbs but it just packs a punch.

    The one thing that I wanted to say about this is I wonder if it would have been easier to follow with less commas and be in stanza forms. It sort of is a piece that you had to reread to get the full images of, but perhaps that is just me. I do like your style: I could vividly imagine a lot of what you said, esp. at the ending.

    I hope that things improve for you, and thank you for entering my contest. Stay strong and try not to give in.